The Hurdle is Never Bigger Than the Finish Line: Cultivating Resilience and Building Your Own Army - with Erica Music

Leanna McGrath  0:08  

Welcome to the executive coach for moms podcast where we support women who are attempting to find balance and joy while simultaneously leading people at work and at home. I'm your host Leanna Lasky McGrath, former tech exec turned full time mom, recovering perfectionist and workaholic, and certified executive coach. 

Leanna McGrath  0:29  

Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the show. Today, I am so excited to be talking with Erica Music. Erica is an athlete and educator, a mother of two speaker and author, and the first in her family to earn a college degree. She has an incredibly inspirational story of resilience, which she is so kindly sharing with us today. And I can't wait for all of you to hear it. We covered a lot of ground in this episode because Eric has learned so much throughout her journey. And there are so many valuable things that I think all of us can learn from her. I think one of the things that really stuck out for me is that Erica is an incredibly strong and resilient person. And she also recognizes the importance of surrounding herself with a strong support network. She recognizes that she can't do it all on her own. And she talks a lot about how we need to build our own army. I think so often, we believe that we have to do everything on our own. And maybe it means something about us. If we can't, then maybe we aren't strong enough if we need help or support or maybe it somehow doesn't count. And if these are any beliefs that you're holding, I think that you'll probably really appreciate some of the reframes that Erica offers today about not expecting yourself to do it all alone and how it's actually good to have a support network. Another thing I found so inspirational was how When Erica set a goal for herself to complete her degree as a working mother. After being away from college for a long time, she figured out how to make that happen. And she did not let anything stop her. And I was really reminded of the power of intention of setting a goal and not letting anything get in the way of that of making a promise to yourself and sticking to it no matter what. Because when we make promises to ourselves, we should keep them. We often think that the promises we make to other people are the ones that we should keep sometimes at the expense of our own promises to ourselves or our own boundaries that we've said. And I'm not saying that we shouldn't keep promises to other people. But I do believe that the promises we make to ourselves are the most important ones to keep. Erica often shares her story in her motivational speech titled The hurdle is never bigger than the finish line. And I honestly walked away from this conversation feeling like I could take on the world. And I hope that you do too. So enjoy!

Leanna McGrath  3:05  

Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the show. Today I am joined by Erica Music, and I'm so excited to have her on the show today. She and I are going to be having a conversation about resilience, which she will share through her story and what she's learned. So hi, Erica, welcome to the podcast.

Erica Music  3:25  

Hi, it's such a pleasure. Thank you for having me.

Leanna McGrath  3:29  

Yeah, thank you so much for being here. Can you start off just kind of by telling everybody a little bit about you?

Erica Music  3:35  

Oh, absolutely. Of course. Again, my name is Erica Music. I was born in Rantoul, Illinois, but I was raised here in Lexington, Kentucky. I am a mother of two children 21 and 16. My daughter will graduate college this year. Excited and then my son is a junior in high school. So almost got one out another one out the house. I'm also an athlete. I have three state titles when I was in high school here in the state of Kentucky to for cheer one for track. I currently also play adult coed flag football as my current therapy on Sunday. So Sunday is all about football for me. I absolutely love it. I'm also an alum of the Tennessee Titans cheerleading Association. I checked with him for three seasons. So I'm an all around athlete, high school, collegiate and professional. So I got to experience all that side of life which is a blessing. I'm also an educator have been in the field of education for 11 years. I'm currently Assistant Director for regional recruitment for Campbellsville University. I'm also an author, I co author a book from letters to leaders is called leverage from letters to leaders leveraging your fraternity or sorority experience to land your dream job. I was blessed with this opportunity to write a chapter which is titled How your time management skills will help you and the workforce as being Professional Speaker, I was granted the opportunity to be a part of a speaker's bureau called Greek University full of dynamic speakers, a group of wonderful people all over the United States. They talked about various different topics on college campuses. So there's a we're currently on our third book that came out certainly on Amazon. So that is an amazing opportunity. It's my first time getting to write. So that was huge for me, I cry when it came out type of thing. That was always like a big goal of mine. And to achieve. That was amazing. So that was a little bit about me.

Leanna McGrath  5:32  

Erica, wow, you have quite the list of accolades. I mean, I know it's been a long journey getting here. And really, the theme of your journey has been resilience. So can you tell us a little bit more about that?

Erica Music  5:47  

Absolutely. I have a program that I called this title, the hurdle is never bigger than a finish line. And that is my story to resilience. It began back when I was in high school. Like I said, I was a high school athlete, and being a high school athlete was that was a bunch of other stuff because it was more of a natural talent. I had people that were really you know, that were Raleigh, Raleigh, and for me, and then you get to college. And it's like, oh, wow, what do you do? I mean, both my parents did not get a college degree. So I was I came from a single parent household, first generation. So when I started college and university of Louisville, I was as a D1 athlete, I mean, the world was given to me, you know, it was like, you know, 6am practices, you know, you get go here. So, I'm just going to say there wasn't a lot of guidance. And that's where my story really begins. With that, I get a lot of extra freedom that I was not used to because my mother was very strict, which was nothing wrong with that I just came from a strict household because she was a single mother. But those freedoms liberties, let's just get a little vulnerable I ended up becoming a college dropout after being a D1 athlete, I just could not handle the pressures of all of that. That was my own father my mistakes, but I use that to leverage how I was became a Titans cheerleader. I knew that was something I've always wanted to do. I knew college was a sometime thing. I knew was something that was forced on me. I knew my parents always wanted me to go, but I wasn't ready for it. I had the opportunity as a D1 athlete like, hey, you know, it's like, how can you fail out of being a college D1 athlete, but it happens, yeah, it happens when you don't have the guidance. And so that's, that's really where my story began. But that's not where it finished. So you know, I failed out of college, but I use that to do something else, I end up moving to Nashville. And I end up trying for the Tennessee Titans and made it and cheer for three seasons, which opened other miraculous doors for me. So that was an amazing experience within itself. But even that had its failures. You know, I mean, you don't make people think you make all this money being a professional to live, you don't. The football players do, but not the cheerleaders. And so you still have to have you know, your own job and things like that. So, at that time, I was married, my marriage failed. So you know, not only did I fell out of college, but I had my first divorce and, you know, became a single mother. And so that's how life really began for me, you know, as becoming a single mother and working out in jobs. I was like, Okay, this isn't working and living paycheck to paycheck. What can I do to make this work for me, you know, I am a smart person, you know, how do I end up in this situation? How did you get yourself out of this. And I ended up having to move back home to Kentucky from living to Nashville, and I worked at Kentucky State University.

Leanna McGrath  8:31  

So I think what I'm really curious about is, as you're talking about, you dropped out of college, and you, as you described, your marriage failed. And up until that point, you know, you had been a star athlete, a D1 athlete. So I guess I'm just curious, like, at that time, and it was a long time ago now. But how was that for you kind of experiencing those kind of setbacks? Whenever you were so used to success and high achievement?

Erica Music  9:01  

You know, that's a good question. And no one's ever asked me that, because that really digs deep. And I appreciate that question. And the reason why I appreciate that question is because let's just be honest, that was a really hard time for me. That was probably one of my darkest times, because you're right, I was so successful in high school, and you know, you're given all these accolades. And it's like, you know, you're, you're always on top on top, and then when something goes wrong, it's like, well, what's wrong with me? What happened? What did I do wrong? So I always like to look at myself. And that was really hard, because when you're at that low point, and I was low, I was down and I was a little depressed sometimes. I mean, let's be honest with depression comes with that because, you know, when you're so high, and then you get so low. How did you pick yourself up from that? Yeah, and I would have to say I had a very strong foundation, my supporters, my group, my family, my army, as we say, those are the people that want that don't allow you to stay down along. And it also taught me how to be self aware. And I would like to piggyback on that a little bit later. But I always felt that it's really important to have certain people in your life because these certain people that were in my life really held my hand when I needed to be held, okay? 

Erica Music  10:23  

You always need a comforter, someone that you know, that's trustworthy, that you know is not going to go back until you know your secrets to you know, no matter what, they're not going to judge you. This is what's going on, they will always listen, okay, I have that particular person in my life. And she's my best friend, I call her my soulmate, because she's sometimes when I'm thinking before I even think, like, this is what's going on, and no matter how crazy or how, you know, whatever's going on, she's like, Hey, she's calm, she keeps me calm, she and she lets me know that everything's gonna be all right, no matter what. And I'm really appreciative of my comforter. 

Erica Music  10:59  

But I also have a confronter, and that confronter is the person who always tells you when you're wrong, because I'm not always right. You know, we always think that we're right about something is like, you know, you always want to rally people to be on your side. But that's not going to help you grow as a person. So my confront are always she she'll listen, but she will tell me that you're gonna you know, you was wrong, or anything, he was little bit too dramatic. Erica, look at it from this perspective. And you know, and that's a hard pill to swallow when you're trying to look at someone else's perspective, because it's like, man, I was wrong. I did overdo that. I need to apologize and make it right. You know, and that's a really big thing that I'm learning even today to do, you know, to always have somebody tell me when I'm wrong, because I'm not always right. And you know, I'm an Aries, let me just put that out in the hate. And if anybody know of any April Aries, we're very strong headed and we always think that we're right. We're not and that's a hard pill to swallow. So I've learned, you've learned to say I'm sorry. And to make it right. I need someone that you're confronting as a person that holds you accountable, okay. 

Erica Music  12:09  

The challenger, which is a mentor of mine, he's person that pushes me always have a different circle of people that I know, there's a goal of where I want to be, you know, like, hey, this person owns, you know, all the businesses, so their opportunity, or they no finances, that's where I like. So I have friends that do that. And I know that they can push me they can learn, and they challenged me to be better, because I see where they are. So I want to follow their lead to get there. Right. And they're not going to let me settle that. And that's the wonderful thing about Ben.

Erica Music  12:40  

And my counselor. Yes, I believe everyone needs a counselor. I've had my counselor for years. Okay, honestly helps you heal. Yes, counseling helps you heal from those wounds that you not, you didn't know that were open, that you keep plugging, you know, keep bleeding, you know, like, wow, why did I keep putting myself in the same situations, the same scenarios, because you haven't healed from the past trauma of whatever happened to you before? And that's what my counselor is there for. Okay. I know for a fact that I am a people pleaser, I am also an I need validation. And I'm like, Yes, person. I know those things about me. Does that necessarily mean they're bad, but they could turn bad. But my counselor has taught me Okay, well, what's the root problem? Why did you feel this way? And so now I'm not so quick to say yes, give me give me a moment. And let me think about it. You know, I don't feel like always need to be validated or always need to be a people pleaser, because I'm good enough, you know, type of thing. 

Erica Music  13:38  

And then you also need somebody to celebrate you, you know, someone's gonna be like, your cheerleader, because I'm always that person for someone else. Obviously, I'm a natural cheerleader. However, I need someone to cheer me on and share my victories with it's gonna hype me up, you know, be mine, my, my number one fan. So you know, I think it's clever to have all of those type of personality traits and those personality traits can be all in one person, or it can be in multiple people. For me, it's multiple, you know, which is how I create my army. And that's how I create my groups of friends, that those aren't really my friends by support. And those are the ones that are going to support me, no matter through life. And those are the people that got me through the dark times. And those are the people that will continue to get me through the dark times. And that's why I'm so heavy about hey, find your army, whatever that looks like. Find those people, those core group of people and write it out with them as long as you can. You know, there are certain people that come and go in your life, but there are people that are there for you for a lifetime. And I'm blessed to have those people. 

Leanna McGrath  14:43  

Yeah, that's amazing. And I love that the comforter, confronter, challenger, counselor, and cheerleader, and I guess I know what our listeners will probably be thinking is like, I don't have all those people in my life. How do I do that? Number one, number two, especially I think as a person who believes that they can do anything, right, which many of us high achieving women do. How do you kind of acquiesce control over that right? Or like to say, Oh, actually, I need these people to write like, I can't do it all by myself. But how do you find kind of the strength in the courage to admit it to yourself, because I think sometimes, like actually leaning on people, is harder for us than trying to pretend like we can do it all by ourselves.

Erica Music  15:34  

It is because as a woman, we carry so many different hats, bags, or however you want to describe that, but we carry it all. I like Superwoman. And I literally have a picture of myself as Superwoman on my desktop, because it reminds me, hey, you know, I can do all things. But sometimes you have to take the cape off. And that comes with delegating, okay, I can't do it all. There's only 24 hours in a day, and you know, setting and, sadly, as a mother, and as a, you know, worker, speaker, you I work a full time job, I have to map out time for myself specifically on my calendar. And that's crazy. But I know that something that I have to do for myself, because if not, I would run it myself rampid because I'm such a go getter. And I feel like you know, like I said, I'm a people pleaser. So somebody tells me to do it. I want to get it done immediately, because I'm efficient. And I like to do things that way. But also, because I don't like to say no, I know I'm like, Okay, I like to set limits and boundaries to myself. I know, for example, let me give you example, Fridays, Fridays are football days for my son, my son is very active. He's an athlete as well. And he has his football games Friday night. I know to make my Fridays light. And I try not to travel on Fridays, because I know for a fact, I'm going to be at my son's football game, I'm not going to miss it. So that was that is a boundary that I've set for myself that it's a boundary that I'm told my job. And then of the boundary that I say clear to, i.e. Chick fil A they do it. You know for a fact Chick fil A is closed on every Sunday that is a standard that is a boundary no matter what they will not be open. I feel like it's important for women to set those boundaries set those standards like hey, yes, I am. I am a worker and I am a worker bee and I can do with all things. However, I am a mom. And sometimes you also need to set time for yourself in whatever aspect that looks like for me, I like my monthly massages now. That is an hour out of the month that I am treated myself. Yeah, my phone the app on my phone on Do Not Disturb. And then if an hour for just me. And that's and that's just once a month, and I'm okay with that some people do more. That's what I can afford. And that is all I need for me. 

Erica Music  17:49  

But to go back to your question, you said, Well, how do you find these people? You know, I think likeness attracts likeness. I'm all about manifestation and and things like that. And I know what I needed. And you know, whatever your higher being is for me, I believe in God and he brought those people to me, and you know, but also I believe that likeness, attract likeness. If you go after like minded people, like minded people will find you. And you put yourself in those circles and you network from there. You know, I'm huge. I'm a big believer of networking. And that's how you find those people put yourself in those situations. If you want to become an educator, okay, then go to certain programs that speak specifically for the things that you're interested in. Put yourself in those situations, if you want to become a business person or an entrepreneur, get yourself around different successful entrepreneurs, you'd have to put yourself in those situations so that they're so for one, you can network yourself. For two, you can learn and get new mentors, and that's how you grow. Yeah, you know, you grow up with people that you don't know, and you learn from them. And then they can learn from you as well. It's a back and forth. It's a give and take. But that's how you seek out those people. You put yourself in those situations. It could be uncomfortable, you have to step outside your comfort zone. And that is okay. Stepping outside of your comfort zone is what leverages you to the next level.

Leanna McGrath  19:14  

Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I highly I agree with the monthly massage thing here and highly recommend it. And I don't think it's crazy that you block time for yourself on your calendar. I think it's necessary especially for when you are living by your calendar. It's not on there. You know, if you kind of have that mantra of like it has to be on there to get done then put it on your calendar, of course, absolutely. I recommend that to clients all the time, who are having a tough time carving out any time for themselves.

Erica Music  19:41  

And I agree because that was myself and I live and die by my calendar as a matter of fact, if it's not on my calendar on my cell phone and it also needs to be on my physical planner because I like to write as well. Have I like paper I know people don't kill me but I have to have a physical planner. have to be on both of those calendars in order for me to do it. And I really do I put time for myself within my calendar, whether it's after work or doing work. Yeah, you know, I'd take that time off because you know, we are granted vacation time people. Let's use it. And so, yes, I really do be and I realized, if I don't do that, then I will neglect myself. Yeah, then I start overwhelming myself. And then I start adding more on my plate. And I'm like, why am I so overwhelmed? Oh, it's because you're not taking care of yourself, Erica. Yeah, you know, and with me being overwhelmed, you know that you don't take care of your body and the you don't think you're eating is off, and then your family dynamic is off. So it's always all of that off self awareness. And boundaries are really key to me right now. Because when when I was at my low points, I did not have that. And I've learned a lot about myself and those low points about myself. And I'm like, okay, I'd never want to be there again. This is how this is what I need to do not to get that to be that mental headspace anymore.

Leanna McGrath  21:01  

Yeah, absolutely. I think the other thing I'm curious about this, finding your army is like, you're clearly a high achiever, right? Like you really rose to success very young. And so what is your belief about you having to take on everything versus being able to lean on other people, because I think a common belief for women is like, like Superwoman, like you talked about, but it's like, I have to do it all. And nobody else can help me. And if anybody else helps me, then that means that I am not enough or whatever, right? Like it's like a failing almost that I didn't do it all all by myself. What is your thought around that, that allows you to lean on other people and feel good about that.

Erica Music  21:49  

My mother has always told me a closed mouth don't get fed. So if you don't ask for help, people don't know to help you. I even today struggle with that, as most women do, as you just stated, we all feel like we can do it on our own. And I feel like it's an airy straight, because I'm going to ask you to help me once you tell me No, it's alright, I can do it myself, I can move the washer and dryer myself mentality, right? That's not again, that's not healthy. And you have to learn to delegate. And you have to learn what levels that you feel comfortable delegating things to. Okay. So I know like, for example, if I have five meetings, you know, whatever. And I know that I can't get to all of that. So who can I trust is going to do this for me, I think, delegation and finding, you know, getting out of that mentality, I have to do it all on my own, it's finding someone that you can trust to help you do those things with delegation, all comes with the form of trust, you know, and making sure that you know, that if I give this to you, that this is gonna get done in the manner that I know this is gonna get mattered may not be the way I'm gonna do it. But I know what's gonna get done type of thing. So you have to find somebody that you trust, that it's going to be in your corner that can help you get the necessary things done. For me, I know that I have my go to person that I work with just for work example. And I know if I can do it, one of my co workers can do it. And I and he's always the one that tells me just tell this, ask me what you need. Just tell me what you need, tell you what to me. And then and I tell them, I mean, that's not my, it's not that other person's fault. If you don't lean on them, they other people. At the end of the day, we all need each other point blank period, we all need each other, we all have to support each other, we all have to get through this together. You can't do it by yourself. You got to not put us on this earth to do everything by ourselves. That's why you have and why that's why you have partners or however your family dynamic is, but I feel like we are not meant to do all of this together. That's why I feel like you always have to have an army, your most successful people, they have an entourage or a group of people. You know, it's so obviously if the successful people can't do it on their own makes you think you have to and you don't have to. And you know, I was like, let me go back to a closed mouth don't get that. People don't know what they don't know. So I asked for everything. You have to learn. It's an ego thing. You know, you have to put your ego to the side and ask for help. It doesn't make you less of a person. It doesn't make you weak. actually asking for help makes you stronger.

Leanna McGrath  24:22  

Because it's harder. 

Erica Music  24:24  

Yeah, it is hard. It's hard. And I'm just you know, and when I feel like I have to ask for help. I get so anxious about it, like, a whole mental thing I gotta go through. When I when I know I asked for help. Because I'm like, Man, I mean, I know I need it. I know I need it. But who can I ask? You know, I don't do all of these. But then I calm down and I just breathe and I just send my quick text message say Hey, can you do XYZ? And they say yes. And you know what? All of this stress has gone? Why do we let ourselves do all of that stress? I don't know what we do. And it's because I think it's our egos. Yeah, we feel like you know, well, we always want the credit for everything or we always feel like you know, But nobody else can do what we can do. They can, and they might be able to teach us a faster way of doing it.

Leanna McGrath  25:05  

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think it's ego. I think it's also that people pleasing tendency that so many women have that you've described that you have as well that it's like, I should be helping other people, not the other way around. A couple weeks ago, I had someone on the podcast Miranda, who did such a lovely reframe, for asking for help said, you know, the times that I get the most fulfillment out of life or when I'm helping somebody else. And so why would I deny that to another person? Like I am literally giving them a gift to feel fulfilled? Whenever by helping me like, why would I take that away? And I love that reframe. Because it's like, instead of feeling like you're asking for something, you are giving something, it's an even exchange. And I think some of the thoughts that you're talking about that you have, when you say, a closed mouth, don't get fed. And you're saying, like, you have to add, like asking is a good thing you should ask, there's almost an expectation that you should ask. And I think, just our default, so many times, like our default is just, I shouldn't have to ask, or it means something bad about me if I have to ask, right, it shows weakness, or whatever. And I think when we hold those beliefs, it makes it harder to ask for help.

Erica Music  26:21  

We have to get out of that mindset that asking for help. Is such such a negative thing. I don't know why that even is a thought. Especially in 2023, there's so many different things going on in the world, we all need help, right? But yes, I am a firm believer of supporting and helping because, you know, I did not make it this far by myself. And, and no one really makes it for by themselves, you have to create the team, the support, you know, all the five C's that I've mentioned, all of those people have gained have helped me get to where I am right now. And I would not be here without I wouldn't even have my mind my right mindset without them. So I would encourage anyone, especially women get the support, because we do we put way too much on our shoulders, and we feel like we have to do it on our own. And we don't Yeah, we don't, there's where two or three are gathered together. And here we are, you know, we can do this together type of thing.

Leanna McGrath  27:19  

Yeah. Well, I think anytime that there's something that like all or a majority of a demographic believes, right, like if all women believe this, or most women believe this, then there's gotta be something in our culture, right? There's gotta be some kind of socialization that's happening that is teaching us right. So I don't think that it's like a personal failing. And I think part of that is, you know, I don't want anyone to hear, I should ask for help and then feel like it's a personal failing that I can't or that I have a hard time with that. I think that's a really normal thing for us in the way that we are socialized. I also really love how you talk about the point that you made about like, the people that are the most successful, they didn't get there on their own, or maybe we just assume that they did, because we see just their name. But they didn't do it all by themselves. They've had help all along the way. So I do think that's an important reframe for people. Because we're not going to get to where we want to be if we think we have to do it alone. Absolutely. Okay, so you talked to also about being a Kentucky State, and that you had this great boss who saw potential in you. So I think there is another great example of somebody is helping you along the way, right. That's an important part of your journey. So tell me more about your journey from from that place.

Erica Music  28:40  

Okay. I worked at Kentucky State University for the department called Student Support Services, we serve as first generation low income, or disability students, Kentucky State University has a program with most colleges do a few work for a university, you can you know, you get free in state tuition. So that opportunity was already there for me, but for some reason, I did not put two one plus one to not equal to i did not think I wanted to go back to school, going back to school was I thought was the furthest thing from my mind. I mean, I was a single mom with two kids. I was like, how am I going to make that work? And I'm already working, you know, eight to five all day and my kids have, you know, after school activities in the afternoon in the evening. I didn't know how that was going to fit into my life. Okay.

Leanna McGrath  29:22  

Yeah. So I want to hear about how did you make that work?

Erica Music  29:25  

So luckily, I was blessed with the opportunity to have an amazing boss, and he never gave up on me. And he was like, why are you not doing your degree? You are so smart. You can do this. And he pushed me he challenged me every day. He is so significant in my life, because he kept harping on me. He's like, You need to go back school. You neglect school. I was like, I don't have time for this. I'll do it. Next semester. I'll do it next year. I literally kept putting him off until the point where he made me sit at my desk and he was like, You're not leaving this desk until you complete this application type of situation. And I did it I completely I was like fine. I'll just I've completed the application. He made sure that I turned in all of my transcripts and everything, he literally held my hand and pushed me, pull me the entire way. And I'm thankful for him for doing that. Because once I started my classes, like I said, Kentucky State University didn't have a complete online program. So they had fun classes that were during the day, he allowed me to clock out, go take my classes during the day, I also had to take night classes, that was a whole other thing because I had my children. So when I would leave work in Frankfurt, I will have to drive to Lexington, which was like 20 minutes to go get my kids come back to Frankfurt, and go to my night class and bring my kids with me. I mean, you have to do what you have to do, because I have already committed myself to the program. And I was like, Well, I'm not gonna give up. So I have to keep going. And if my kids have to go with me, they did, there was plenty of times that I had to, like classes, go grab some food, my kids are sitting next to me, while my professors right in front of me do my classes, you know, you stick an iPad in front of home, or whatever you have to do to keep them quiet for like an hour and a half. You know, and but my teachers were very supportive, I let them know, like, Hey, this is the situation that's going on, I have kids, and they support you. I mean, my professors were my friends at that point, you know, cuz they understood, I'm trying to go back and I have a goal. And I was open and honest with them. I turned in all my assignments on time, I was one of the the ones that sit in the front, but also had my kids. And so that was it's a once it got to the point where I couldn't move on through Kentucky State University, because the classes were mostly all during the day. And I'm like, I still have to work, I couldn't take full advantage of that, that made me transferred to Midway University, which I was able to transfer all of my credits in Kentucky State University still pay for my school. Wow, that's great, even though I got to transfer to another school, so I really didn't still didn't have to come out of pocket, which is a whole nother blessing. So I was able to complete my degree at home. And online was a better program for me, obviously, because you can do it at your pace. And you know, you just do go as you and I didn't have to take my kids and disrupt their life as well. But yeah, there were times that I was up and down the road. I mean, I had to go to work, go pick up the kids come back to come back to work, which is cool. And I had to I had to have my kids kids with me, I was able to finish my degree in 2017. So I was able to finish my bachelor's degree in marketing communication, which was huge. My children at the time got to see me walk across the stage. And I felt that there was a monumental moment because they got to see their mother, you know, go from struggling to hey, you know, to fault walking across the stage. And that within my life showed them the resilience is hey, you can fail so many times. But as long as you keep getting back up and keep going, that's all that matters. You know, I feel like if there's something that you really, really want, you will sacrifice for it. And that's exactly what I had to do once he convinced me. No, you're smart. You can do this. And he was like, No, once I got accepted into the program, the rest was me. I had to get in there. And you know, I had, like I said, my professors healthy. My boss helped me I had my friends helped me with my kids. I mean, the children and my father was like, Hey, I'm in schools, I had a pretty much had to be open. And I was like, I had to ask for help. I knew I could not do this on my own. At that point, you know, my back was against the wall. I had no other option. And you know, and I have a great support system that helped me and so when I graduated, when I'm telling you that was that was huge for me that was here. Yeah, I was out. I was out of school for 13 years. You know, and then to finish. Yeah, that was huge with my bachelor and I was like crying going across that stage because it's something that I didn't know, I wanted it until I had it. Yeah, you know, and I was like, Man, I went back to school. And now my 21 year old is about to graduate because she saw her mother graduate. Yeah, you know, now my 16 year old, he's, you're looking at colleges, you know, I expose them to college early. Because, like I said, they had to go to class with me. So they had to be on campus. Yeah, so they got that call that campus life early, which, you know, some people might frown upon that, but if you really think of it was a that was an amazing thing. Yeah, my kids know that college that is that's, you know, there's something they're going to do. That was something that my parents couldn't afford for me, but that's something that can afford for my kids. Yeah, you know, and that's just changing the generation now and you know, and I've changed my family dynamic because of that all because of one man that you know, that pushed me and saw and saw something in me that I didn't see in myself and now I'm getting my MBA in marketing and so that is that is a whole nother thing. Yeah which I'm really proud of myself so you know, I was able now I'm able to get my masters and and see where that where that leads me it was how that drives my career. So I'm really excited about Yeah, a lot of things and once you get out of this phrase or mindset of no asking for help as negative as for everything now. Certainly a closed now don't get that I asked for everything. I need help over here. Help over here. because we're not put in this world to do this by ourselves as I stated before.

Leanna McGrath  35:03  

Yeah, I mean, when you say all because of one man, I think it's all because of one man's seeing potential in you, but all because of you. Because when you say you had your back against the wall, and you had no other option, you did have another option, you could have dropped out rightly, you could have stopped at any point, and you chose to keep going, and you chose to do whatever it took to get there. And I think that there's so much strength in making a decision and saying, This is what I'm going to do. And I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure that happens. And I wonder if that comes from your mental kind of toughness, you know, that you built as an athlete, you know, that you've built over time overcoming obstacles, and then you were just like, I think some people would say, like, I have a night class, but I have kids. So that means I can't do the night class. And you're like, I have a night class. But I have kids. So I need to figure out how to do the night class with the kids. 

Erica Music  35:59  

You do. I think that's the competitive side of me. That's what you're you're describing. I'm very, very competitive, you know, and I just used it in a different in a different mindset of how I'm what I needed at that moment. I am very competitive. And you know, and I'm like, as a competitor, you're going to lose, you can't win, you can't win them all. And so you know, being an athlete, that's what it teaches you, it teaches you, you know, you're gonna fall. I mean, when I was in high school, I went my state title and 300 hurdles, okay, like keep this challenge your mind on the five foot hurls are tall, but I still wouldn't stay, you know, doing something like that. So that is a huge challenge. And I didn't win on my way. I mean, I've came second, third, last and a lot of my races, but we you know, I never gave up and I kept practicing, I kept I stayed in the lane that I knew to begin, you know, and that's another thing, oh, let's, let's talk about that. You know, staying in the lane that you know, because you know, what works for someone else may not work for you. You know, you can try it and it feels like okay, well that didn't work, let's try something else is the point of not giving up. But you know, what works for you may not work for me. Because, you know, we all have our own journeys, we all have our own backgrounds, and we all have our own lane. That's what I like to call it. But you know, staying in your own lane and in finding what your drive and your niche and what's going to keep you pushing through. That's how you overcompensate for your failures, okay, staying in your lane, see what works and what doesn't work, you know, because you're not going to be successful every time. But all you need is that one time to get you through, you know, and that's what pushes you through. So you know, you may fail 15 times, but that 16 times if you successful, okay, that's, that's your stepping stone. So let's keep trying something else. And that's what keeps pushing me, that's the competitive side of that I like about me, you know, it's, it's a good and a bad thing. But you know, yeah, I'm a very positive person. And I like to stay positive, because the world is full of negative things, you know, the world is gonna come at you. Regardless, life is going to happen, life is life thing. But if you stay positive, and keep, you know, and what didn't work for you, this time will work for you next time, possibly. You just can't get yourself in that negative funk. And I would like to, you know, encourage anyway, you know, it's okay to have, you know, you gotta have your, you know, your bad thoughts, you know, every once in a while, but you can't fester in that you can't stay in that you have to stay positive and read things and podcasts and you know, whatever motivational way to keep you going, I'd strongly encourage you to do that. Because there's a lot that's going on in the world. And I'll just, you know, make sure that we stay positive too.

Leanna McGrath  38:36  

Yeah. I love how you have reframed stay in your lane as a positive thing. And speaking of being positive, right, because stay in your lane isn't generally used in a positive context if someone's instructing you to stay in your lane, right. I love that reframe. Yeah. And that, and that way of looking at the positives, and I think that just like anything, like you talked about your competitiveness, everything has positives and negatives, right? Yeah. So I love that reframe. Well, Erica, I love hearing your story. You're so inspirational. And you know, because I've read about your story, but like to hear you really talk about it and it comes to life. It's just so inspirational. Is there anything else that you would want to share with people who are listening?

Erica Music  39:19  

Well, let's see. This makes sure that you surround yourself around a bunch of positive people, create your army and whatever that army looks like does always remember that you cannot do this alone. There's nothing wrong with asking for help. And also make time for yourself be self aware. becoming self aware creates healthy boundaries. So I just want to make sure that you know that we all are helping each other supporting each other loving each other and however aspect you know that comes in but just continue to stay positive. Love yourself before anyone else. You gotta love yourself and become self aware because the more you know about yourself more, you know, you can handle everyone else.

Leanna McGrath  40:02  

Love it. Thank you so much. And where can people find you if they want to connect with you if they want to read your book, the chapter that you wrote?

Erica Music  40:11  

Absolutely, yes, I can be found I have a website, Erica in music.com. That's er, I see a nmu si si.com. All of my information is on there, also linked through Greek university. But we can also find our book on Amazon, you can just look up letters to leaders, as well. But the quickest way is my website, because you can also email me your reach out to me if you have any questions. Or if you would like for me to speak on your campus or however you want to talk, you just want to talk one on one. I am always here for everyone. But that is how I can be reached.

Leanna McGrath  40:44  

Okay, sounds good. And I'll definitely put your contact your website in the show notes so everyone can connect with you and also be on the podcast website. So, Erica, thank you so so much for joining me today for this lovely conversation! I think that everyone will be very inspired by it to hear about how you've overcome so much and just continue to go and continue to succeed and best wishes with your MBA.

Erica Music  41:10  

Thank you. Thank you thank you and you stay blessed as well.

Leanna McGrath  41:14  

All right. Thanks, Erica. Thanks, everybody. Have a great week!

Leanna McGrath  41:19  

Thanks so much for tuning in to the executive coach for moms podcast. Please like, subscribe or follow the show so you'll be notified when the next episode is available. I hope you'll join me again next time. Take care

Transcribed by https://otter.ai