Becoming Strong: From Career Burnout to Alignment, Fulfillment, and Self-Defined Success - with Sarah Brelowski (part 1)

Leanna Laskey McGrath  0:00  

Welcome to The Executive Coach for Moms Podcast where we support women who are attempting to find balance and joy while simultaneously leading people at work and at home. I'm your host, Leanna Laskey McGrath, former tech exec turned full time mom, recovering perfectionist and workaholic and certified executive coach. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  0:27  

Hi everyone. Welcome back to the show. Thank you so much for joining me today. I am so excited to introduce today's guest. Her name is Sarah Brelowski, and she is actually my personal trainer, and she just kicked my ass in the gym this morning, and here we are this afternoon. She didn't recognize me with makeup on, and I'm so excited to talk with her. She is a mom, a certified personal trainer and a consultant. So welcome, Sarah.

Sarah Brelowski  0:56  

Hi, Leanna, nice to see you again. Thanks for having me.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  1:00  

Likewise. Thanks so much for being here. Thanks for agreeing to do this with me. And usually I'm in your realm. And now you know, I appreciate you coming into my room.

Sarah Brelowski  1:09  

Happy to be here. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  1:11  

I don't know if I believe you. So, as you all know, our summer series, we are doing two part series with inspirational women. And I find Sarah to be very inspirational. And so today we're going to hear about her personal story, more about her and what brought her to this work, and why she does this work. And then next time, we're going to hear more about her professional view on why we should all be strength training and the importance of it, and fitness and health and all that fun stuff. So I'm really, really excited for both of these conversations. So Sarah, if you could just start us off, just tell us a little bit about you and introduce yourself.

Sarah Brelowski  1:54  

All right. Well, thank you. So as you stated, my name is Sarah. My journey, I would say, started when I was four years old, and that's when I started playing soccer, and I played it until I was in college. And during that time, I not only played soccer, but I strength trained because that's what all the boys did. So why not a girl? And during that time, I think I also strength trained because I hated running. I still hate running, not a runner. Why did I play soccer? Because I was a keeper, so to kind of keep me in shape, I did a lot of strength training to justify not doing the miles that my teammates were doing. So fast forward after my college career, I stopped playing, and then I stopped everything, because I wanted to enjoy life, because I had never been to a football game before, because I always had soccer I didn't get to have some experiences. So I said, I'm going to do it. And I didn't gain 15 pounds in college. I gained 15 pounds my first year of work. I went into consulting. I was traveling. I ate five course lunches, and I was like, oh my goodness, I'm out of control. At the time, I was with somebody who also stopped his athletic journey, which was very different than mine, and so we were just gluttonous until that relationship started to end, and I felt so out of control with everything. So I started to think, the only thing I can control is me. And at the time, I had a best friend that was a personal trainer, and I said, I need your help. And he said, Let's do it. And so after I think two or three years, I got back in the gym, and I felt like everything just started to fall into place, starting then. So I was probably 23 when I got back into the gym, and I loved it. From there, I have been in the gym since. So we're not going to talk about how many years that is. It's over 10, and that is where I find my power. That's where I found my confidence. I would, for lack of better words, have found myself the gym is my consistent. It is no longer a negotiable for me. I also have some back issues that if I don't go to the gym, I will need surgery. So that's my motivation to continue. But going in, lifting the heavy weights, challenging my body and I would also say learning to fail is what has kept me there for couple decades, a few years.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  4:48  

It's so interesting because I played soccer since I was five as well, as you know, and I never strength trained. Maybe, like a little bit on some machines, but I did run a lot, and the first time I really, really strength trained is, like, the last seven months that I've been working with you. It wasn't really a part of what we did in soccer. We did a lot of sit ups and push ups, you know, and things like that, out on the field for training. But there wasn't a component where we were in the gym and I didn't play in college, so maybe that was the difference. But it's just interesting that you found strength training through soccer. And I never came up in my 20 years of playing soccer. I never came up on strength training really.

Sarah Brelowski  5:31  

Well, I would say I was and am very tomboy tendencies, and I was friends with all the guys, so we would just go to the weight room after and it was very much bro science in the weight room, and looking back on how I trained, I would do so many things differently, but it got me in there, and they at least showed me the fundamentals, and I found something that I enjoyed. I don't think a lot of my teammates were there, but it was something that, well, if my friends that are football players, if they're doing it, why shouldn't I?

Leanna Laskey McGrath  6:08  

Yeah, and so tell me more about like, where you were professionally at that time. You said you were doing consulting and traveling a lot and eating wonderful meals. So where did you start it professionally, and what was that journey like to then eventually becoming a personal trainer and totally changing your profession at some point?

Sarah Brelowski  6:27  

So wild ride. I started in one of the big four accounting firms. I was an IT auditor. So I graduated in May, and I started July 17, and I had no idea what to expect. And it was one of those jobs where Friday at five, you could find out where you would be Monday at 8am. As you know me, that is not my personality, so I very much struggled with the lack of predictability. So I started there, and then that kind of spiraled until I realized I couldn't do it. So my journey professionally was interesting. I was in the Big Four for maybe, like two years ish, and then one of my mentors, who is still my mentor today, we joked that our relationship could drink at this point, which is wild. She went to a different company, and I followed her. So I went from external auditing to internal auditing, and then I went from that company to another company, where I traveled a lot internationally. Now, when I made the jump to my third company I had been training, I would think I was on my second personal trainer. And that's when I found, you know, I love my TRX, and I had already built some good habits. I was going to the gym. I was a little neurotic at this point. I was doing maybe two to three workouts a day. I was doing Jazzercise at night, meeting some of my friends. It was a good time, and I didn't consider that a workout, even though it was a high calorie burn. And then with this company, I started to travel, like I said, a lot internationally. If people know about Europe, well, 15 years ago, there weren't a lot of gyms. And like, you would walk into a gym and it would be treadmills, maybe some dumbbells. So I always had my TRX, and I would wear the workout in the hotel. I'd find a park, and I loved it. I loved it so much that I started to put it in my meeting calendar for lunch. I put gym, and everybody knew that that was my gym time. And then that is when I think I became very focused. I was getting my life together outside, professionally. So these two things started to parallel a bit. So I went through some jobs, went out, internal, external. I went to IT security, that's not personal training. And then I hit my final stop. And I was so stressed out at that job, I'm sure you can relate. I had married my husband. We were trying to get pregnant. We couldn't get pregnant. My cycle was off, and I was so good about eating. I was actually running at that time, and I was strength training. I was doing all of the things, but my stress was out of control, so I quit. Then three weeks later, I got pregnant. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  9:17  

Oh my gosh.

Sarah Brelowski  9:18  

So that ended my professional career, because at that point we were like, well, I'm pregnant, so I'm not going to get FMLA. I don't think you know this part. I actually did dog walking until I had my son, and at this time, I was going to a gym. It is one of the coolest gyms I have ever been at. I think I was there for a total of seven, eight years before we moved and it was one of the most empowering facilities I have ever been at. And it really got me through my pregnancy, because at the time, I had stopped working, and it's a long day to not talk to anybody. I mean, I talked to dogs. They don't talk back. So it became my community. There's a bunch of us in the morning, and I would see them, go walk my dogs, and then I'd come home, and my husband would be home soon after. Then I had my son. He was five months old, and COVID happened. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  10:17  

Oh, good. 

Sarah Brelowski  10:17  

Then we were like, definitely not going back to work now. And then I started actually going to the Y. We moved to this location, and the director up there said, Hey, you're here all the time. Do you want to start teaching classes? She's like, you get a free membership. I was like, absolutely, sold. It's funny because I started with group training, and I still teach group fitness classes, and I hate group fitness classes.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  10:46  

Like, attending them or teaching them. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  10:48  

I hate attending them, okay? 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  10:50  

And I learned it's because of how my brain works. I get very frustrated with not knowing what the plan is, always feeling rushed about how it's done. So I plan my classes as if I were going to take them to the benefit or the detriment to my members, depends on the day, and then from there, I got my CPT. I had been training friends, because everybody that knows me knows that I have been in the gym for a very long time, and I've done all the modalities. I've done a lot of yoga. I do the suspension training. I've done a lot of primal animal movement, body weight stuff. I've done some of the power lifting. I've done some normal weight lifting stuff, exercises, workouts, and most of those have been based on how my injuries were at the time. So I'm not just pigeon honed into one. Every time I've had an injury, I've tried to learn something new. So I have a lot of different experiences, rather than just going in and picking up a dumbbell or using the machines. So when I started to think about, like, what I wanted to do, I was like, well, this seems like a good way to pass the time. So I got certified, and here we are. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  12:11  

And then I still keep my foot in the business door, because the boss that took me for my first job, my mentor, she started a company, and she's an amazing human and when I had my son, he was only a couple months old, might have been around COVID, and she calls me and she's like, I know this is a lot to ask, but I really need your help. And you can work whenever he's sleeping. You can make the meetings whenever it works for you. Because she was a single mom, she gave me a lot of grace, and it was nice to have the income and to keep my foot in the door. So I've been working with her on and off for five years. We do some organizational change management. So I still have a little bit of my professional brain, and then I still have a lot of my weight training brain.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  13:02  

Wow. I had no idea that you were a runner for a while, a dog walker and a jazzerciser.

Sarah Brelowski  13:11  

I met one of my best friends in Jazzercise. It was the best we I think we did it for like, two or three years. I loved it. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  13:20  

Isn't that group fitness? Is that what Jazzercise is, or are these, like home videos from like the 80s? I don't actually know what jazz

Sarah Brelowski  13:29  

It is group fitness, but they're dances. So I did like it because it used new music and old music. It wasn't like circuit training or like a weightlifting okay, they would teach you the steps, and then you would execute.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  13:45  

Like I've told you before, I'm so glad that you found TRX and that you love it so much. I wish I loved it as much as you did. Sarah has tried to help me love TRX in the way that she does, and it's just not my thing. And I think that that's what's cool, what you're talking about with every injury, you learn something new and different modalities to exercising, different ways of doing it. I think that's what's so cool. Like, there's so many different ways to be healthy and be fit and to enjoy what you're doing, and it doesn't have to be like a terrible experience. You can dance and Jazzercise if that's your jam.

Sarah Brelowski  14:22  

Absolutely.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  14:23  

And so what I was wondering, as you were like, talking through your professional journey, is, until you got to that last one where you said you were super, super stressed out, it's just like, like, did you enjoy the work? Was it something that lit you up? Or was it just like, This is what I decided to do when I was 18 in with my major and so therefore, here I am. 

Sarah Brelowski  14:45  

So that's a really good question. I think anybody that says that they like to be an auditor, I should have some concerns, okay, or an IT security. I liked the aspects of dealing with people. Problem Solving. I did a lot of process improvement. I always told people when I was auditing like I wasn't there to find their failures, but to help them prevent failures in the future. I like the partnership, the team aspect. I did a lot of consulting even as an auditor. Hey, Sarah, we're going to put this project in. Can you look at our project plan? Does it make sense to you? These are the controls we're going to put in. What do you think? And that's honestly how I moved from audit to IT security is that they wanted so much of my information that they just drug me over to the other side. So I like that aspect of it. And I think if I take the really big view, I liked the constant learning. I was always having to learn a new application or a new business, because as an auditor, you get to see so much of a business that you're in. And I was in, I've been all in Fortune 250s other than my last one. So they're ginormous, so I was constantly learning something along the way. So I think I liked that part. The work, I could take it or leave it.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  16:12  

It's interesting how you're talking about essentially, you chose to approach it in like, you know, when you were talking about going in and explaining to people, putting them at ease, like I'm not here to find what's wrong with you. And it's interesting, because I think like when you were describing how you approach that work, it reminds me of how you approach Personal Training and Fitness, and it's almost like you're applying it to it, because you're like process improvement. Okay, I don't really like group fitness classes, but I'm going to teach them. So how can I make it a better experience, if I'm working one on one with a client who's never strength trained before? Like, how can I put them at ease? So it's kind of like you were taking what you learned from that, and you're applying it here. Or maybe it's like the way that you are, like the way that you show up. You just show up that way to whatever profession you're in, whatever field you happen to be in at that moment.

Sarah Brelowski  17:10  

Yeah, I feel like so often, everybody makes it a lot more difficult than it is. I always like the KISS, keep it simple, silly, and I think I had some really good role models that exemplified that for me. There wasn't always people that were angry or that were out to get other people, and I felt like when people treated me as a person, as a human, I did better, and I didn't like to be held to unattainable expectations. Meet me where I am and I will fly, but me try to put me where I'm not, and I will fail, is kind of how I always thought about it. So I try to the golden rule, treat others as I would like to be treated, and I think that makes my approach a little different than other people. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  18:00  

Yeah, so we've talked about before. You've talked about, kind of, like, this journey to self love that you have gone on. I'm curious, what do you mean by that? Like, tell me more about that.

Sarah Brelowski  18:11  

Growing up in the generation of be smaller, Be quiet, be seen, not heard. You know me now, and that was difficult for me, because I am none of those things. And I felt for a really long time that I was always trying to be someone else to fit in. And I think when my divorce happened, I had got the four year degree, I had got the great job, I had the high school sweetheart, I did everything right, and yet I was miserable. I was at the lowest point of my life, and I thought, Well, screw these rules. This isn't me. I can't live like this. And I had a therapist ask me one time, when was the last time you were truly happy? And I looked at her and just stared, and in my head, it's like, come on, create something. And I looked at her and I was like, I don't know. And this was when, this was during my separation with my ex husband, okay.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  19:19  

Okay. 

Sarah Brelowski  19:20  

And I thought about that question for a really long time, because how sad is it that you couldn't I couldn't remember a time when I was happy. I was in my early 20s, like I'd just gone through college, so that's kind of how I live my life now. What do they say? Rock bottom is the foundation I use to build my mansion, and that is what I did. I decided I had burned everything to the ground. That's how I felt at the time. So I was going to remake my life by my rules. And if I was too much for somebody, you're not my people. If I jive with somebody. I wasn't going to suck it up and people please, because that wasn't good for me. So ironically enough, right when we separated, it was Lent, and I said for Lent, I was going to say yes to every opportunity, because I had gotten so used to saying no, and it didn't matter what it was, as long as it was something that was safe, obviously. And it took me out of my comfort zone, and I started to think like, oh, I can do this. I can experience that. I tried so many different experiences because I didn't allow myself to say no. Once Lent ended, I kept doing it. And then if I get into our rut, like, oh, seven o'clock is too late for me, I tell myself, like, just say yes. So I worked through a lot of it by trying to find out who I was. I didn't know who I was because I was dating somebody in high school. I dated somebody in college. I was married to somebody after college, and when I had the opportunity to rebuild my life, I didn't know who I was, so I took the advice to date myself. And I think that was that Lent of Yes. So I read books and I went to movies, and I did all of those things so that when my next partner came, I was going to be ready for it, and it wasn't always uphill. I was I was a roller coaster, but I think it my self love journey really started when I realized others, people's expectations and their dreams for me were not mine, and that is okay for them to have it, but I need to find my own. And then if something didn't fit, that sounds like a you problem, not a me problem.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  21:51  

Well, it's interesting, because I think what you're talking about generally is us saying yes to everyone else all the time, and usually it's more like that we have to learn how to say no, right? Like we have to say no, thank you. I don't want your expectations on me, like, No, thank you. I don't want that journey of that definition of success, no, thank you. I don't want your plan that you have decided is what's best for my life, and you're saying, like, actually, you were really good at saying no, and you had to learn to say yes. So I'm curious about, like, how that worked.

Sarah Brelowski  22:29  

I think the spot in my life I was in I felt so unworthy and just undeserving, or I didn't think my stuff mattered, and I was so used to not being able to do what I wanted to do, that I just stopped having any thoughts and opinions or desires to do anything, because they were never either accepted or could be done. Somebody was always telling me no, so I just shriveled up and said, Okay. I became very small. I take up as little space as possible. Maybe it was no longer saying, like yes or no. It was just, I just didn't have anything, because I was never getting that validation or the encouragement to do it? 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  23:23  

So it was like you were saying yes to yourself, like you were saying yes to taking chances or trying new things or just giving yourself something that you previously would have denied yourself?

Sarah Brelowski  23:37  

Exactly, yeah. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  23:38  

Oh, my goodness, I have so many more questions for you. One more question about this part. Yeah, I am really curious about whenever you left your job and you said it was so stressful and so you got pregnant three weeks later, which I cannot tell you how many women I've talked to who have done something similar, where it's like trying to get pregnant, working so hard, so stressed out, and then decide to take a career pause, or maybe step back a little bit. And then once that stress is gone, it just happens. It's crazy, yes, but what was that like for you? Maybe you said about, like, not talking to people all day, only dogs, besides the gym, but like, work had been like, probably taken up a lot of your time, logistically and energy and focus. And was it like a big part of your identity at that moment in your life, and then you stepped away, like, made the brave decision to leave, what was it like?

Sarah Brelowski  24:43  

Leaving the job wasn't as scary, because when I left, I thought I was gonna take three months off, fully supported by my husband, and I was gonna go back to work. Okay, obviously, history is different, but it was probably actually, four years prior to that, I was on vacation with my aunt, and we were having deep discussions, as one does on the beach, and she asked me, What's your definition of success? Because I was in a job that I loved, but I was working 80 hours a week, I was burned out, and I wasn't getting a lot of support to help me, and we talked through because my aunt, she led a very successful business, and she had a coach, and he talked to her, so I got some of that, and what I realized was I had never stopped to ask myself, what does success look like to me? Because I had always listened like success is a title, it's money, it's the car, the HA, like it's the materialistic things. At this time, I wasn't married, and I said, I want to marry Paul. I want to be a happy person, not stressed out all the time. And I want us to have experiences like, yes, my salary was excellent, but I could never really take a vacation because I was always on emails or always had to be available. And as an auditor, we ask why three to six times, why something happened. And so I really dug in to why did I care about my title? Why did I care about all this stuff? And at the end, I couldn't give a reason that was satisfactory. Because other people want it. I don't think we stop and ask ourselves that a lot. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  26:38  

Yeah. 

Sarah Brelowski  26:39  

So when I went to leave the job, I knew I was leaving from my version of success, because I was so burned out and miserable in the position I was in. I loved my coworkers, but the environment was toxic, and I just don't do well in that and I knew that my success was going to be that I was going to be a better wife, that we wanted to start a family, and that leaving this would help get me there so I wasn't as like devastated by the job. I will say that I was unprepared for what that looked like, because I would leave the house every morning at 630. I had a routine, and now all of a sudden, I don't have a routine. I don't have to get dressed, I don't have to put makeup on, I don't have to pack my lunch, and that was the transition to the gym I was in that was so helpful. I wish I would have known to schedule my day better. I think after like, like, two months, I realized I need to have a schedule. But I did have a lot of friends that supported me, and they would check in, and then I would hear them complain about their jobs, and I'd be like, Okay, well, if I have to talk to dogs, it's not so bad, because I'm not dealing with that, which was nice, but the change was different. And then I had to think about, okay, now I'm here and I'm a dog walker. What did I do? Like, okay, so, how is this making my life better? Is this all my life is gonna be now? And I had to keep reminding myself that this was all part of my success is not associated to a salary and to the car. I drive to the house. I have to the title of my position. I get to go home and be with my husband every night, and I get to cook dinner, and we get to take our dog for a walk, and I had to for a while remind myself that is what my version of success is. I think so often there's so much noise about success is being famous and having all the things that that we forget what our own is.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  28:55  

Yeah, yeah. I love that. It's kind of like what you said about when you had that space, like, when you took some space, you learned about yourself, right? You were like, Okay, two months in, like, I need a routine, right? That's probably not something that you would have, I don't know, learned until you got into retirement, potentially, because we're always on a schedule, right? You go from school to college, to work, and it's like there's always just a predefined schedule that someone else is setting for you until you have two months to where you're like, What do I do with myself? Like, literally, you know, I wake up and I don't know what to do, but I think that space is where you get to learn so much about yourself, and it sounds like you have that opportunity to not only learn about yourself, but also to get into the practice of reminding yourself what was important to you, because it is, I think, to your point, it's there's so much noise about what should be important to us and what success looks like by society standards by everybody else's standards, and that might not be true for us. And so it's like I always talk about the brain is like a toddler and just needs constantly redirected back to what we know we want to be focusing on. And what we want to be focusing on is, what does success mean for me? Like, what is going to make me happy and ignoring, like, all the other stuff and everybody else's opinions and expectations and thoughts about what we should be doing, and oh my gosh, you don't have a job yet, or whatever fears that they want to put on us. So I love that, that you got that learning opportunity and that practice opportunity as well.

Sarah Brelowski  30:36  

Yeah, and it was really interesting, because the farther I got out of it, so I've been out of corporate for six and a half years. I guess at this point, so much of what I used to stress about and be focused on was so silly, because now that I'm out of it, and I see it very differently, it makes me laugh that I was concerned about the wardrobe I had, or was my backpack or laptop bag like appropriate? And it's like, that's so silly. That was space that we took up or energy we wasted, that was in the big scheme of things, it's unnecessary.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  31:17  

Yeah, love it all right? Well, I cannot wait to continue this conversation next week, we are going to hear all about Sarah's philosophy on strength training and exercise and taking care of ourselves, something that I have learned so much about in the last several months. So I can't wait for you all to hear more from Sarah next time. So thank you, Sarah, for being here and being so open with us and sharing your story. And I can't wait to talk to you again next week. 

Sarah Brelowski  31:47  

Sounds good. Thanks. Leanna.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  31:49  

All right, thanks everyone for tuning in. We'll see you all next week. Be sure to come back and hear part two of this conversation. Bye. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  31:55  

If you're loving what you're learning on this podcast, I'd love to invite you to check out The Executive Mom Reset. It's my six month coaching program for ambitious, success driven, career focused women who are ready to stop surviving and start thriving. Together, we'll tackle the stress, guilt and overwhelm that come with being a high achieving executive mom. You'll learn how to set boundaries, prioritize what truly matters, and build the confidence to show up powerfully at work, at home, and for yourself. Head on over to coachleanna.com right now to schedule a free discovery call. We'll spend an hour talking about where you are now, what you want to create, and how I can help you get there, because every woman deserves to live the life of her dreams. Let's create yours together.