Vacuums Can't Toast Bread: Embracing Your Unique Talents & Authentic Purpose - with Katie Farinas

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Hi everyone, welcome to the show. I am so so excited for you to hear this week's episode, but before we jump into it, I wanted to let you know about a webinar I am offering next week, Thursday, December19th at 2.30, called Unwrapped: The Gift of Presents This Holiday Season. I understand how much we are doing right now, how we are working so hard to wrap up the year and do all of our annual reviews and closeout our books and quotas and things like that. While also creating all the holiday magic for our families and doing presents and shopping and wrapping and whatever else you're doing this holiday season and I know it's a lot and it can be really really hard to stay present when we're with our families and actually get to enjoy them and enjoy the holiday magic that we have worked so hard to create. And so I want to help you with that. So if that is a challenge for you, or if you anticipate it being a challenge, then please come to the webinar. You can head over to coachleanna.com where you can register. It's completely free. And I hope to see you there. Now on to the show.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Welcome to the executive coach for moms podcast where we support women who are attempting to find balance and joy while simultaneously leading people at work and at home. I'm your host, Leanna Laskey McGrath, former tech exec turned full time mom, recovering perfectionist and workaholic and certified executive coach. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Hi everyone. Welcome back to the show. Thank you so much for joining me today. I am really excited about the conversation that we are about to have and that I'll be sharing with you today. I have a special guest, Katie Farinas here with me today, and we're going to be talking about this idea of how we tend to show up as chameleons, where we can kind of think about what everybody else wants from us and show up in that way, and just bring some awareness to that, and talk about our experiences with that and how we deal with it. So welcome, Katie,

Katie Farinas  

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me, and I'm really excited to have this conversation. I think it's a really important one.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Yeah, I totally agree, and I'm so glad you're here. Maybe if you could start off just by introducing yourself, telling us all a little bit about you, as everyone knows, I love to hear people's stories.

Katie Farinas  

All right. Um, it's always hard because I'm like, it's a long one, but on the surface level, I am a podcaster myself. I have a podcast called mom on the verge. I am a life coach. I coach women on Dharma, which is your soul's purpose. I'm a yoga teacher. I am a nurse, and prior to that, I was a high school chemistry teacher, so I've certainly taken kind of like a windy road of different interests that seem to be different from one another, but when you look closer, they're actually really very much overlapping and aligned. And I didn't know that at the time, it felt very erratic and wild at the time, but looking back, I can see how those things actually are really very related. So I currently still work as a labor and delivery nurse part time, and then I do my podcasting and coaching the rest of the time, and I'm really loving it.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Yeah, and when you say it kind of seemed like it was windy and unrelated, but it actually isn't, what is the common thread that ties all of it together?

Katie Farinas  

It's this overlap of science and spirituality. So I became a yoga teacher probably five years ago now, and at the time, I had been a practitioner for many years, and really didn't even intend to teach yoga. I just really wanted to dive further into the philosophy and the concepts. And turns out I do teach now, you know, it all, it all didn't go as I had thought it would, but when I started taking that dive, I realized that yoga is actually a science, and it is more than just a philosophy. It's an actual science. And now there's a lot of research that is proving the science that was known, you know, 1000s of years ago, by rishis and Sears. So it fascinating how I was drawn to science and I was drawn to this this practice, or this way of life called Yoga. And now I'm seeing that those two things actually are really very much interrelated, and one really serves the other. They go hand in hand, I should say. It's just cool to see how when we allow ourselves to go towards what we're naturally pulled towards, it sometimes feels like we're all over the place and that things are not related. But eventually the puzzle comes into view. I always say that's it's like a puzzle where you have the outline of the puzzle, and then you start putting little spots together. If anyone who's created a puzzle, they know that they'll find, like little bits of pieces that go together, and then they'll find more bits of pieces that go together, but those two bits don't fit together. And you just keep doing that, and you put it, you keep putting together these little clumps that you find that go together, and eventually the whole puzzle comes together, and you can see the whole picture. And that's kind of what I've seen in my life, and what I see in a lot of the lives of the women that I coach is that things seem to be unrelated, but really, when they were following their heart, in the end, the picture comes together, and they can see how, how it all links. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Yeah, I love that description. That's such a beautiful visual to think about, that maybe these two puzzle pieces might just not go together here, but it's part of the bigger puzzle. 

Katie Farinas  

Exactly, yes, and sometimes you just have to allow your heart to tell you where to go next, so that eventually the whole puzzle can reveal itself, even if in the moment it doesn't feel like it will.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Yeah, I guess I'm curious about like, how have you had the courage your entire life, it sounds like, to follow your heart and to really put that front and center and let that lead the way?

Katie Farinas  

So I would say I didn't. I didn't have that courage. You know, there were certain things like knowing that I love science and following, you know, the sciences as the path of my educational path, but in a lot of ways, I was really conforming to what my parents wanted, what society said was right or wrong or good or bad. I was really following the script, so to speak. And I remember after graduating college, it was the first time that I felt really lost, because up until that that moment, I had done what was expected of me, I had gone to school, I had gotten the grades, I had gotten the degree, and this was the first time that there wasn't something kind of right in front of me that was the quote, unquote right next step. I had to now make a decision for myself as to what was the right next step. Of course, with lots of influences in my ears, but it was somewhat in my control what this next choice was going to be, and how overwhelming that felt to me, because I just wanted to make the right choice. And when I say the right choice at that time in my life, I don't mean what I was meant to do, what God's plan was for me, what I could be, how I could be most impactful in the world. I wasn't thinking any of those things. I was thinking, what do my parents expect from me? How can I make enough money? How can I, you know, basically, be a respected citizen of the world, which is not bad. Those are, you know, we all need money. We want to be a respected citizen of the world, but none of it was guided by what lit my heart up, that what really set me on fire internally. It was all about what was coming from the outside, the expectations that were coming from the outside. 

Katie Farinas  

And so I went many years like that, where I was just feeling pretty lost, because what I was desiring didn't seem to be represented in the culture around me, and I felt really broken, and I felt like there was something wrong with me for not understanding kind of the typical pathway that that people take through their adult life, the you know, higher education, find a partner, get married, have children, buy a house, work a nine to five, like I just that never, a lot of that never really felt right in my body and soul. But I couldn't, I felt like again, once again, that there was something wrong with me for feeling that way. Because when I looked around, it seemed like that's what everyone was doing, and everyone seemed to be satisfied doing that. And so I really spent a lot of years in guilt and shame over feeling like I didn't fit into this mold, and trying to force myself to fit into it, but feeling really, really lost the whole time.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

I was smiling when you were saying about when you graduated from college. I had a very similar experience. I went straight from college into grad school, but then when I graduated from grad school, I was 23 and I had what I called a quarter life crisis, because I was like, you know, what's the next milestone? What's the next achievement? You know, what's the next like thing on my plan? And I didn't have anything, and, you know, it was just like, so unclear what I was supposed to do next. And I thought like, well, I've achieved all of this, you know, at this stage, like, how am I going to keep this up and continue with my accomplishments? And, you know, like checking all those boxes of all those things that I'm supposed to do? 

Katie Farinas  

Yes, yes, I even went back to school again. I graduated from college, I with a chemistry degree. I taught for a while, then I went back to nursing school, then I went halfway through a master's for nursing school before deciding that I was abandoning it, because I really, I was I didn't enjoy it. Honestly, I was really not enjoying it. I was taking time away from my family. It had no clear path forward that was interesting to me. Every job that I looked at that would be a result of this degree seemed really unfulfilling to me, but I work in an environment where higher education is really respected and valued and pushed and so once again, I was trying to fit, fit into the mold. I was trying to do what was expected of me from the culture that I was swimming in versus what my heart was trying to tell me to do. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Yeah, one of the things you said that is really interesting is that when you looked around at all the people living that life, they seemed satisfying. And I think that we have this assumption that whenever we look at other people. I mean, we can only see a very small glimpse. But we always assume the best. We always assume that, you know, their life is wonderful, and they must be so happy and you know, and therefore, like you said, it's like, what's wrong with me? And why can't I just have that and be happy and satisfied with it? But the reality is, we don't know if they're satisfied. Those aren't conversations that come up in in the coffee line or at the neighborhood barbecues, you know. So those aren't really things that we're talking about. But the reality is, is that probably more, you know, we I think we have to recognize that. Number one, our brains are always going to assume that that someone else's life is better than ours. And number two, there's, there's probably more people out there that are not completely satisfied, right? As we probably know from coaching many.

Katie Farinas  

Yes, absolutely. And at the time, I know that now. I didn't know that at the time, I think I was young and I was inexperienced, and feeling so deeply lost and broken. And I think that, you know, also, we go through different phases and stages in our lives, and for many those early working years of, you know, the 20s and even the 30s, I think there are a lot of people who are satisfied in those years because they are doing what they, you know, in their mind, envisioned their life was going to be. They're receiving accolades. They're receiving, you know, compensation. They're receiving respect for it. And that's enough a lot of times. For a long time, it wasn't for me, but I think for a lot of people, it is. But then what I notice is particularly for women, because I work with women, so I really can't speak to the male population, but what I see in women is around that 40 mark, they start feeling dissatisfied. They start feeling like what was enough before isn't, is no longer enough, and the accolades and the the money and the respect and all of these things that were enough to keep them going, even though they may have been dissatisfied with what they were doing, isn't enough to keep them going anymore. And so that's when they start really questioning everything. I think I just had my my midlife crisis early. I had mine in my 20s. Um, but I do see it a lot of women in their you know, the 40 ish mark.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Yeah, well, and I agree, and I think for me, I see it a lot whenever we have children. I don't think that's always the inflection point, but often, because it's like now, I can't necessarily work like I used to, or as much as I used to. How do I add value to the world? And, you know, do I want to be working the way I used to? And it's kind of like the idea of what got you here won't get you there. It's like what got us to this point, like you said, the accolades. I mean, I loved my 20s. I worked 60, 78, hours a week all the time, and I and I loved it, but that's not what I want to do now in my 40s, and I think that for a lot of people, especially women, you know, it's like, we reached this point where it's like, I just want to do it differently than I have been doing it, and I think that's really normal and not a problem.

Katie Farinas  

No, it's not. Yes, it becomes complicated just because we've built our lives around a certain structure. And so it does take a little dismantling, and that takes some courage and but yes, there's nothing wrong with it. I think it's totally normal. Our bodies start to change around that age. Women go through a lot, starting in and around 40, with their physical bodies, which then, you know, you cannot separate your mind and your body. They are they are two pieces of the same hole. So when some things start to change in your body, we start to think differently about what we want and how we see the world, and how we see our place in the world and what we want to leave behind in this world. And I think that the world as it is right now doesn't provide a lot of space for women to do that, and that is the conversation that I want to just keep having, is to normalize this, that this is normal, and beyond it being normal, it is a beautiful gift to the world to have that conversation with yourself, to create the awareness that life as you are currently, it's currently operating for you may not be what's best for you, and how can you start changing it to serve not only yourself, but serve your family, your community and the world at large? Because I think everything has a ripple effect. Everything we do ripples out, whether it's positive or negative, it's going out into the world. So by, you know, turning inward towards yourself and doing the work on yourself, you can only have a positive impact on the world. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Yeah. When did you start to have that courage? Like you said, you didn't feel like you had it the whole time, and how did you start to create it and take the steps forward towards living the life that you want to live?

Katie Farinas  

Yeah, that's a great question. So I actually just put a podcast episode out a week or two ago on the dark night of the soul, which I had two of those that came pretty closely in succession. And when you have one of those, it breaks down everything. I mean, it really breaks down your identity of who you are, what is creating meaning in your life, what you want out of this life, because everything changes. So in my mid 30s, I had my second child, and I had had migraines for about five years. They started, actually after the birth of my first child, but they were very infrequent. They were easily treated. They didn't really impact my life a whole lot. Maybe one day of a month I had to, you know, take some medication and lay down after the birth of my second child, that disorder went completely out of control, unexpectedly. You know, I became a chronic migraineer with migraines every single day. Along with the migraines came just untreatable insomnia, nausea, vomiting, exhaustion, anxiety. I mean, the list goes on of all the symptoms of migraine. And at first I was very much like, Okay, I'm gonna, like, go to the doctor. We're gonna figure this out. We're gonna get it treated. But after a long period of time, many different treatments, many different doctors, no improvement, I started to realize that, at least for now, this was probably going to be my life, and it was very, very difficult. I had, thank God I lived close to my parents, because they were over here all the time taking care of my children, who were five and like less than one at the time, and I couldn't work. I was, you know, having to take time from work and go out on disability. And I really was spending almost all of my days in bed and not sleeping at night, because it gave me terrible insomnia. I became very, very depressed, and it really shattered my view of everything. It took down the walls of everything. And that is when, honestly, I started diving into yoga more. 

Katie Farinas  

I had practiced yoga for many years, but kind of in and out, on and off, but I'd always been a very physical person, so I'd always worked out. And every possible type of workout you can think of, I I had done it and was doing it, but I was too ill. I could I couldn't do any of that, and so I would go to yoga and just lay on the mat and do whatever I could do, but also just spend a lot of time in that space, kind of absorbing the Dharma talks, absorbing the energy in the room, and really just spending time with myself. And that is where my like deeper journey with yoga began was at that time, and I started to dive into some of the philosophy and start to understand that we aren't handed things for no reason. It's not random, because when you're in a dark night of the soul, when you're experiencing something that's basically shattering your entire life, and you have no idea what's going to happen in the end, it's very scary. There's so much uncertainty. There's so much fear there. In my case, there was so much pain. I needed something to at that time to help me make sense of what seemed like this horrible, random thing that was happening in my life. It was through yoga philosophy that I understood the gifts that could come from a dark night of the soul from a really, very difficult period in your life, and how you can start making meaning out of it. And for me, a big part of that meaning was I need to step in. I actually need, like at this point, it's not it's not a want or a desire. It is a need for me to fully step in to who I am, authentically and with unapologetically, because I don't have enough bandwidth or energy to do anything other than that.

Katie Farinas  

And we spend a lot of energy, you know, you and I talked about being a chameleon. That takes a lot of energy to try to be something that you're not, engage with people that are not really the right fit for you, be in environments that are not the right fit for you, that is energetically and physically and emotionally draining, and when you get to a point where you just don't have it, it's a surrender. It was a complete surrender to I just have to allow myself to be what I am. And that really began my journey. But I also, a few years later, wound up my daughter, who was 12 at the time. So this was basically from when she was five to then she became 12. I was dealing with all of this. She went through a mental health crisis, and she was suicidal, and we had to get her through that. It was many years of intensive therapy and medications and treatments and so on and so forth. And so that was kind of almost a second dark night of the soul, where, when your child is going through something so terrible, and you're so scared about where this is leading, and what you know possible outcome this could, you know, lead to, once again, it was like, I surrender, I just don't have the energy desire bandwidth to be anything other than who I am. And in fact, I really need to reach out at this point, and it's really where my blog started from and my podcast started from, was this need to connect with other people, to start having these really big, important conversations. And to be able to be unapologetically myself and real and raw and exposed, because I know that's what heals. I know that's what has healed me, and I know it can heal other people, and so that's where it all all came from.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Wow, I don't feel like I have a follow up question, because I'm just absorbing everything you just said.

Katie Farinas  

It was, it was a lot. I don't recommend that for anyone. This is not an endorsement of a dark night of the soul period in your life, but if you're handed one, right? Because I think most of us will go through at least one in our life, it is a beautiful opportunity for a spiritual awakening and a deepening of life's meaning and purpose. You know, sometimes in the middle of it, you may not be able to do that in the middle of it, you're just surviving, but if you're willing and open to as you're getting through it, you can see the gifts and the jewels that it has to offer. Because to me, I again with, I love a good visual, like I in the beginning I was talking about the puzzle. I love a good visual. To me, it's like a fire. It is an intense fire, and it is burning away anything and everything that is not true to you, so that it can leave behind just the jewel that's been hiding underneath that's sparkling and beautiful and perfect, and you we were all just too afraid to show because of all the cultural things that we have absorbed over our lifetime.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

I just love that. I guess I can't help but wonder, because this is such a time of uncertainty in the United States with the change in presidential administrations, and not to totally bring politics into this conversation. But also, I know that, you know, I've spoken with so many people who are feeling very concerned, afraid about the future, not knowing what the future will hold. Lots and lots of concerns for lots of folks right now. And I just, I love that perspective of the maybe there could be meaning from some of these events that happen in our lives and in the world. 

Katie Farinas  

Yeah. I truly, deeply believe that. And in yoga philosophy, there's different eras and where we are right now is called Kali Yuga, and it actually is a time of darkness. It was predicted thousands of years ago, and it's a time of darkness that will burn away to move to a new era of lightness. And so that doesn't make the darkness. I don't want anyone to listen to this and think that I am dismissive of what maybe someone's going through in their personal life, or what we're going through as a country or the world at large. It doesn't make it easier. It doesn't doesn't wipe it wipe it away. It just allows you to have a kind of a different perspective and a wider, larger perspective on why maybe these things are happening, and what the positive things that can come out of them, if we're willing to be open to them, because the opposite side is anger, right? I mean, you could when really tough things are happening, you could sink into just despair and anger, but that doesn't serve you, and it doesn't serve the world. And if you are willing to look at the beauty that can come out of it, you will find it, that, that, I promise everyone who's listening, if you're willing to look, you will find it.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Yeah, yeah. And I think another side is apathy. What you're saying is that continuously staying engaged in looking for the gifts, and, you know, is important as well, even though it is really hard. So not having yoga expertise, do we know how long this period of darkness is?

Katie Farinas  

Yes, I don't. I don't know when this is supposed to end. And I also don't know if it's determined by our actions, right? I mean, we all still have free will, so some of it is determined by how much we raise awareness. It, you know, raise universal consciousness and awareness and start. And this is why I'm so passionate about being a Dharma coach is and having people step into their soul's purpose, because I think that that's where we will be the most impactful, creative, collaborative, effective change makers for this world. And I think we really need that. So the more people who are willing to do the work and be brave and step into their true essence, the faster I think we can move through this dark period. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Yeah, everyone needs a coach right now, I always say I think if everyone had a coach and a therapist, our world would be so much better.

Katie Farinas  

I agree. I agree.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

So I want to talk a little bit more about this idea of like being a chameleon and kind of forming into whatever the world, or other people need of us. It sounds like that is you've had that journey of like, kind of moving from that into this place of finding your soul's purpose and helping others find theirs as well. And I guess first I'm curious about what is your dharma? And by the way, I had to look up that word when I saw it's a new word for me, but I love that there's a word that captures that this is what our, we're meant to do here.

Katie Farinas  

Right.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

So number one, my question would be like, how would you describe like, what does Dharma mean to you? And then what is yours? And how did you go about finding it?

Katie Farinas  

Yeah, so Dharma is a complex term, and it's, you know, it's distilled down to your soul's purpose and to make it digestible and easier for people to understand, but a little longer format would be, you know, the combination of skills, talents, passions, natural abilities, interests and life experiences that you use to serve yourself and serve the world. So I know that's kind of complicated, but we come into this world with a Dharma. So it comes with us when we enter this world and it, you know, stays the same throughout our entire lives, but the way in which we express it will change based on some of those things, based on, like, life experiences, based on maybe skills that we acquire, or, you know, things that we learn, but the actual soul's purpose is the same. And so I don't want people to get confused and say, Okay, it's only a job like, okay, my dharma is my soul's first purpose has to be something that I do for a living. You can bring it into what you do for a living, but you can also bring it into your parenting and your partnerships and into your interactions with friends and family. It is not a job title. It is a way of being in the world, and we can break it down into archetypes like teachers and warriors and nurturers and scientists and things of that nature. But it also can be much larger than that.

Katie Farinas  

So for me, my dharma, I am a teacher at heart, right? So that's part of my dharma, is that I'm a teacher. I was a high school teacher at one point, and then I became a nurse, and we do a lot of teaching, a lot of health education, and now I'm a spiritual teacher. And so you can see how that like flowed through my life, even when I didn't know, I didn't know that that was part of my dharma. But now looking back, I'm like, of course, right? And I teach on the podcast, and I am a yoga teacher, right? All these things that I'm drawn to where I teach, right? But in my teaching, you and I could both be teachers, but we could do it in many different ways. We've all had teachers throughout our lives that we really connected and loved, and other ones where we're like, Okay, I'm just gonna get through this class. Like, this is not my teacher, but it might be. It may have been somebody else's teacher that they connected with, right? So the way in which we do things is very different. I am a space holder. So I am naturally inclined to hold space for other people. I've done it since I was a very small child. I was the person that all the friends came to with all of their problems. I was the person that family members came to with their problems. I just am naturally good at that. 

Katie Farinas  

And that's the other thing about dharma. What you'll see is it's things that actually came easy to you, usually from childhood, and a lot of people dismiss it, because when something comes so easily, we think it's not important, right? In order for it to be important, it has to be really hard, and we have to work really hard at it, and we definitely need a degree, and, you know, we have to get recognized by other people for it. But these are things that but that are so innately who we are, that they have shown up since childhood, and they have come easy to us, and we have likely overlooked them. So my dharma is a space holding teacher basically. Now how I express that is many different ways, and I mentioned a lot of them, and that's what I mean. I can hold that space for my children while also teaching them. I can hold that space for my clients while also teaching them. I can hold that space for my partner, for close friends. That is the way in which I show up for them in my most authentic capacity, and the way in which they feel healed by me, right, is to hold that space for them, so that's my example. But for somebody else, it may be that they are extremely creative, right? They're a very creative person, and that creativity flows from them in every aspect of their lives, and it's their art, whatever that art is, that impacts the world, those in the world close to them, and those in the world you know, outside of them. 

Katie Farinas  

And what can happen is, if we realize what our dharma is, we can blow up our lives and say, I just want to do everything different, and I want to, you know, step into this whole new life. And that's fine for small portion of the population who is brave enough to do that, to blow up their lives, but there's a big portion of the population who's saying, I can't I can't do that. I've got a mortgage, and I've got kids and I've got responsibilities, and I can't just kind of break everything down and begin anew. But once you realize what your dharma is, you can start bringing it into what you're already doing. So if you are a creative how in your work can you add more creativity into your space and into your day and into what you produce in your job? As a parent, how can you bring creativity into parenthood? It's some of it is a recognition of what it is, and some of it is a mindset shift as to, how can I bring this thing that has been there all along, and when I really take the time to think about it, I now see it and infuse it into the life that already exists. And yes, maybe there will be some parts of your life that you want to shake up a bit and really start diving a little bit more heavily into making portions of your life much more in alignment with your dharma. But it can begin with just dripping out a little bit of your Dharma into everything that you're doing every day. And it's really transformative the way that people feel about their lives after they start doing that. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Yeah, I think what I'm hearing from you is it's very much about the essence of who you are, and it might may or may not translate to what you do, but you can bring it into what you do when you know who you are, right, and you know kind of you're really clear about that essence and the idea of just of it feeling easy and innate, so therefore it's doesn't hold worth or value is So I think common, especially for women, where we just, like, discount anything that comes easily and natural to us, like we were natural relationship builders. We're naturally more empathetic. And, you know, these things that are of such high value, we just kind of discredit and say, like, but, yeah, but I didn't. I don't even have to work to do that, you know. I don't have to work to do a lot of these things, so caretaking and nurturing or whatever else, you know, we we might naturally be inclined to do, and then we discredit it and devalue it, and then try and do the hard things, which take way more energy, and it's our energy suckers instead of energy givers, because they're not what we're kind of naturally inclined to gravitate towards.

Katie Farinas  

Absolutely and it's, you know, giving yourself permission, the permission to allow it to be anything, even if it doesn't make sense to other people, even if you can't make a living at it, even if it doesn't in the moment, even make sense to you, like you haven't really quite figured it out yet, it is giving yourself to the permission to to step into it, to dive into it, to take the time, take the space, because we are going we came designed in a certain way. I joke with my clients all the time. I'm like, Listen, you don't take a vacuum out when you want to toast bread, right? Okay, the vacuum was designed to vacuum, and the toaster was designed to toast, and we don't expect one to do the other. They each have their role. We all have a role in this life. We all were designed to do a particular thing in this life, and it's the thing that comes easily to us, right? It's going to be really, really hard for a vacuum to toast bread, very hard, probably impossible. So I think that's partially cultural as well, this idea that if something's worth it, you have to work super hard at it, it has to be blood, sweat and tears, and if it's easy, then what value does it have? But seeing that things that come easy to you are your value. That is why they're easy for you. That is why, because you came here to do that thing, and it's a lot of just permission giving. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Yeah, well, and I think it's really hard whenever our society says that a toaster is better than a vacuum, correct? And I think that that is often part of the challenge, because we're like, Well, I don't, I don't want to just be a vacuum. I want to be able to toast bread, because that's what everybody says that they want, and I want to meet the needs of everybody, right? And it's interesting. I think what's coming up for me is it's like this idea that we know what the world needs by going and seeing like, what everybody needs, right? If all the people in my community are telling me they need a toaster, they need they need someone to toast bread, then like, I'm gonna try my hardest to figure out how to do that, because that's what I'm hearing, that the world needs. And what you're saying is that, actually the world also needs vacuums. I'm just going all the way with this metaphor.

Katie Farinas  

And blenders, and-

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Yes, and all the things, and we might be one of those. And also that's really important. 

Katie Farinas  

Yeah, it is, you know, going back to, like, if you want to go back to the puzzle analogy, that's just your own personal life, your own personal puzzle. But then there's the world, the picture of the world, the world puzzle, and we're each a piece in that puzzle. And if one of us is missing, the puzzle is incomplete, and we each have a role to fill. And we do look outside of ourselves and feel like, well, I want to be that person, because that person seems like their role is more valuable. For some whatever reason, we decide that that person's role is more valuable. Maybe they make more money, or maybe culture says that that's a really important job, or maybe they're famous. Or, you know, there's many reasons, we may look outside of ourselves and see what someone else is doing and feel inadequate in what we have to offer, but that, again, is a mindset shift, because we are all part of the one, and we are all needed. And when we try, if we're a toaster and we try to be a vacuum, we're a really crappy vacuum. We don't pick stuff up off the floor. You're still crunching around on stuff afterwards, and you're exhausted, like you said, like it's exhausting. It's, it's really, really sucks our energy, both mental and physical energy, to try to be something we're not, versus when we allow ourselves to be what we are and who we are and express the gifts that we have to share with the world and try our best. 

Katie Farinas  

So I practice yoga with my eyes closed, and I love this example for other things in life as well, because as a human, we compare ourselves to others. It's just sort of a natural, you know, state of being. We're always scanning the environment we we see other people and their lives or their bodies or their kids or their homes, and it's, you know, it's what we all talk about with social media. We start feeling less than when we start comparing ourselves to others. And in yoga, that can happen as well, right? We can if we can be looking around and thinking, oh my gosh, like she can get into that, that handstand that I can't get into or look how flexible her hips are, or what, whatever that you know look at her body is perfect, who knows how and what we're using to compare. So I have found myself getting distracted and pulled out of my own practice that I'm there for, because yoga is just a moving meditation. So I'm getting pulled out of my moving meditation by observing things happening in the room. And so I now practice completely with my eyes closed the entire practice I have no idea what's going on outside of the sensations in my body. And I think it's a really great analogy for life, like trying to actually intentionally put your blinders on for periods of the day where you get to tap in to just exactly who you are, without that outside noise, without looking for reference points, because that's really what we're doing when we're looking outside of ourselves, is looking for reference points, dropping it all and allowing ourselves to be with ourselves, which is one of the reasons I love meditation. It's a beautiful way of doing that, but there are many ways of doing it, but I think that's what we have to do to give ourselves the permission to be exactly who we are, unapologetically, and know our value. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Yeah. Well, I think about how it shows up at work, for example, in the boardroom that my first time as an executive, I was the only woman on the leadership team. And so when I would go into meetings and you know, we'd be talking about something, I would be thinking, okay, like I'm not thinking about it the way they are. Does that mean like, I'm thinking about it wrong, and, you know, maybe I shouldn't share this, like, totally different viewpoint that I have, because I just, like, assume they probably know better than I do. And I think that that is so common for us, especially as women, especially in male dominated industries, where we look around and we see what all the men are doing, and it's maybe different than what we would naturally be inclined to do. It wasn't until I started really like stepping into my own authentic self, and, you know, leadership self, that I was able to show up in a way that was more beneficial to my team and also more beneficial to the leadership team, where I was giving my input unapologetically or probably apologetically at first, but you know, actually sharing my ideas and and input, and I think that that is to your point, like how we really bring value to the world. It's not whenever we look around and compare ourselves and then say, Oh, I don't have something to contribute here. It's actually where we say the thing that I have to contribute might be completely different than what everybody else is contributing, but that is almost why it brings value. That is why it's so important for me to share it, because we're otherwise, we're missing the vacuum. We're missing the toast, right? Like that's why different people are are at the table. 

Katie Farinas  

Yes, absolutely, and that. And I 100% agree with you, and I also know exactly what that feeling that you're talking about, where everyone else seems to know and be so confident, and you just assume that you must be wrong because you're thinking about something in a different way, and the courage that it takes to step up and to speak, it's not easy, but it is so rewarding, like once you did it, I'm sure that was pretty fulfilling for you, to be able to really share your thoughts and your opinions and have them come to life through your work.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Yeah, well, and I also think that it's to earlier you said you were looking for like, what is the next right thing for me to do? And we have such an orientation towards right or wrong, am I going to say the right thing here or the wrong thing? And it's like our brain likes to always give us two options, and those are the only two options looking at our conversation. I think the invitation is really to not think about it in terms of, Am I going to say the right or the wrong thing, but am I going to offer a perspective that isn't currently present, right? Like, if we think about all those different appliances around the table. Like, literally, I'm picturing a boardroom, and in each chair, there's a different kitchen appliance. And so it's like, maybe, like, no one's thinking about what the the way the vacuum would think about this, right? Or like, maybe no one has thought of that. And so it's not so much that it's a right or wrong approach. It's just like a new way of looking at it or a different way of looking at it than anybody else is. And there's so much value in that. And I think as if we can put aside wondering, Am I doing it right or am I doing it wrong? Then we're able to, you know, share all those perspectives and have more perspectives that create a better end result.

Katie Farinas  

Absolutely, and a lot of times it's a combination of those things, right? I mean, I do think you're 100% right. You know, we love our brains, love to categorize and organize and make tie things up in a neat little bow, right, wrong, end of the story. But really, the more I live life, the more I see that that's just conditional, like life does not really work that way. It's all in the gray.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Yeah, and your right might be my wrong, and vice versa, right?

Katie Farinas  

Correct, yes. And we see this in parenting all the time too. I mean, you know, the people parent very differently, but yet, still, despite parenting very differently, can raise really successful children who are independent and living their lives and healthy, physically and mentally, right? There's more than one way I was going to use an expression that my dad used to use, but I'm not going to use that expression, these old expressions that are like, where did these come from? They're terrible. But there's more than one way to reach a desired outcome and for it to be just as good as another way of reaching that outcome. And I see this in healthcare as well. You know, healthcare, at least where I work, is becoming much more collaborative, but for many years it was not. It was very top down where the physicians made the decision, and nursing input was really not taken into account, and patient input really was not taken into account. That is changing a lot, but it's a beautiful thing to watch, because there have been so many out of the box ideas that have come from allowing these other parties to use their knowledge and wisdom and intuition into this process, creating a whole different experience for the patient, and a lot of times, a much better experience, because they were allowed to be part of the process, and because other entities who are in this circle were allowed to be part of the process, It's a beautiful metaphor for how we should really be doing everything in our lives. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Yeah, I love that perspective so much, and it's so cool that you have all these different interesting, unique perspectives to look at it from and arrive at the same conclusion. So I feel like we could talk all day. Is there anything else that you would want to share, or any other thoughts that you have on this to share with the audience?

Katie Farinas  

I would just want to encourage everyone to move towards what moves them and in any way that you can, and just to put down the like concern. Or worry about judgment, what other people are going to think or say, or can you make money at it? Or is it important, or is it silly, or is it stupid? Or I don't like, just put it all away, like, if your heart is calling for whatever that thing is, I'm just inviting you to give it, give it a chance. Just give it a chance and see, see what comes of it. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Yeah, and I love what you said earlier, that it's not like this, again, our brain kind of loves to do the all or nothing thing, like either after this is stay in this life, or I'll have to step into something completely different and upend my career, and you know, and change everything. Love what you said about that, it's just, how can you bring more of yourself into everything that you're doing and a little bit more each day, even if you only bring a little bit more at first, and then, you know, step into that a bit more. 

Katie Farinas  

Yeah, small steps, small little steps, and they will naturally create some space and change in your life that will give you more opportunities to bring more of yourself into your life.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

I love that. Well, Katie, where can people find you and what exactly would they be looking to you for? I think you know, finding their own soul's purpose and dharma, I assume, and what else?

Katie Farinas  

Yes. So everyone can find me at my website, which is momontheverge.org they can find me on Instagram @KatiemomandYogi. On my website, I do have a free journal that you can download, which is three journal prompts to discover your dharma. So if you're like, Oh, this is kind of interesting, I'd love to, like, just dip my toe in a little bit. That's a great place to start. My blog is up also up on my website, as well as all of my podcasts. The podcast is called Mom on the Verge, and that is anywhere you find podcasts. And people will be coming to me when they feel like they really want to live a life that is more authentic to them, that is guided by their soul's purpose. It's people who are feeling like life has kind of lost its its magic. It feels very much like every day they're just kind of checking boxes and getting things done, and they're just feel this like sense of dissatisfaction in their heart, despite maybe having everything that life says we should have, and wondering, why do I feel this way? Why do I feel, regardless of maybe having a family or a home or a good career, that I just kind of feel a void, I feel an emptiness, and I feel like I'm not really living the life that I was designed to live. But I don't really know where to start. I don't know how to even begin to do that. That's when, when I usually step in and help women on that.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Awesome. I love it so much. Well, thank you so much. I love this conversation, and I really appreciate you joining me today to share all of your thoughts and wisdom with our audience.

Katie Farinas  

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. This was wonderful.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Wonderful. Well, thank you so much, and thank you everybody for tuning in, and we will see you all next week. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  

Thanks so much for tuning in to the executive coach for moms podcast. Please like subscribe or follow the show so you'll be notified when the next episode is available. I hope you'll join me again next time. Take care.