How Executive Coaching Helped Me Rebuild Confidence and Redefine Success After Motherhood: Angela's Story

Leanna Laskey McGrath  0:00  

Welcome to The Executive Coach for Moms Podcast where we support women who are attempting to find balance and joy while simultaneously leading people at work and at home. I'm your host, Leanna Laskey McGrath, former tech exec turned full time mom, recovering perfectionist and workaholic and certified executive coach.  

Leanna Laskey McGrath  0:28  

Hi everyone. Welcome back to the show. Thank you so much for being here today. Today I have a very special guest. I am so excited to share with all of you. Her name is Angela, and we have been working together and coaching for the last two years, and Angela's at a really interesting point right now, with a job transition and with her second child turning one, and such an interesting time that I said, you know, would you want to come on and talk about your story? And she agreed. So I'm so happy, because everyone will see themselves in Angela's story, and also will be able to relate to so much of what she says, and probably learn a lot as well. So welcome Angela. 

Angela Pontius  1:12  

Hi. Thank you, Leanna. Really appreciate you having me on and happy to share my story. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  1:18  

Yeah. Thank you so much for agreeing to do this with me. I know we talk all the time in a different context, so I'm excited to talk to you and share your journey, and I appreciate you being open and willing to sharing it with everybody. So maybe if you could start off and just kind of tell us about you and you know where you're at in the world and who you are. 

Angela Pontius  1:38  

Sure. So hi everyone. I'm Angela Pontius. I'm a mom and executive in biotech, and I'm a first generation immigrant. Grew up in the Midwest, and all my life, saw my family work so hard, and that's kind of the background of how I was raised, is really work hard and you'll get to what you want to achieve. And almost 20 years ago, I started my career and really took that mentality into practice. I essentially thought about work in every waking moment I had. I worked really hard. I worked multiple jobs, often to get to where I wanted to be. And so when I met Leanna, work was my identity, my career was who I was, and I was really struggling at that time because I had a one year old, and when I had my daughter, I really struggled with my identity. Was I a mom? Was I a working professional and executive, and I really needed help understanding how to balance that and prioritize where I needed to and I was also struggling because I just felt like I was really alone in that experience. I actually found Leanna through a mom's Facebook group I had posted anonymously about my struggles, and what was shocking to me was that so many other moms actually responded that they could have written the same thing, that they they worked so hard to get to where they were in their career, recently had a young one, first time mom, and just didn't know, like how to balance their time at home, or really to know who they were. And it just made me feel so much better. And that's what I'm really hoping to be able to share today, is that I want to say probably all of us experience something very similar, especially those of us who have worked so hard to get to where we're at, and have a tendency to be perfectionists and want to be 100% or more in everything that we do. And so I just want to be able to share with others that we all exist out there. We probably just don't talk about it enough. And I hope that this inspires other people to just feel that everyone else is going through the same thing or similar experiences, and that you really aren't alone. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  3:59  

Yeah, I love that. I think that's so true number one, that so many of us experienced this too. When you sent me that initial post, I was like, Oh my gosh, I could have written this as well back whenever I had my baby and was an executive and trying to figure out who I was and how to balance all of that, it is really challenging, especially whenever you build your identity on your work, and I think as well, whenever we start our families later. And it's not like we come out of college and have babies and that becomes our identity. It's like we build 10, 15, 20 years into a career and then have our babies. And so we have so much of our identity tied up in our career, and that's really how we look at who we are. And when we introduce ourselves, you know, we don't say I'm a mom first, or who I am first. We say what we do first. And you know, that's usually our career or our title that we worked really hard to get and we're really proud of, and we believe is like a reflection of our value to the world, right? Whenever we can say, I'm a vice president, I'm a C level person, whatever, right? I so appreciate you sharing this, because I agree there's so many of us who feel this way, or have felt this way, and also I agree that it is so nice to know that we're not alone. We're not the only ones sitting there, going, how am I going to do this? How is this possible? How is everyone else doing this? I remember that was a question I kept asking, is, like, how does anybody do this, this is impossible?

Angela Pontius  5:36  

Yes, I felt that exactly the same way I was always thinking, like, why does it seem like everyone else has it figured out, except me? And so, yes.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  5:46  

Yeah, I think that's always our assumption, right, that somehow everyone else has figured it out. And we're like, what am I missing? How do I not know how to do this? And then I think, then we start to pile on, there must be something wrong with me, because I can't figure it out, when, in reality, it is just hard. And I think, you know, you said it's comforting to know that there are so many of us out there, it's also, oh man, like, why is it this way? I hope that we can change it for our future generations. But knowing that there are so many of us out there tells me that not everybody has it figured out actually, it's just like, that's what our brains always do, is like everyone else must know better than I do.

Angela Pontius  6:26  

Yes, and I think a lot of the things I learned in the coaching that we've done is one, no one is perfect, even though we think that we are. And learned a lot of confidence, and also kind of just realizing that it's not always this or that, it can be this and that. So yeah, I think there's a lot of what you said. I completely agree, yeah. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  6:50  

Yeah. Well, so we both just listened back to your very first session, which was so fun to listen to from two years ago. And I'm so curious for you in terms of what you were struggling with then, and kind of some of the things that you're like, oh, man, I wish I had known that. Tell me just kind of what stood out to you as you're thinking back to the beginning of this part of your journey.

Angela Pontius  7:14  

Yeah, I think where I started, when I met you, was really trying to feel more confident. I think I was really struggling with knowing really who I was and why I thought certain ways. And by working through a lot of that, I realized that I was blaming myself for not being able to be better or to be more confident, and we've definitely worked through a lot of that, and would love to kind of happy to share more about it. Think I was also just really struggling with not knowing how to balance my personal life and my work life, and that they were completely separate. Maybe that's like the black and white thinking that I typically have, the this or that. And I've learned also that I can't be 100% in both areas. And I think that's the way I was thinking, is that I have to be able to be perfect in my being a mother and also being an executive. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  8:23  

Yeah. What is different now for you in terms of that expectation of feeling perfect, holding yourself to that standard of giving 100% at work and 100% at home? What has changed for you about that? 

Angela Pontius  8:37  

I think I've realized that that's number one impossible, like data is data or math is math? 100% in both areas is 200% you can't just do it all. You can prioritize the things that are important at certain times. And one of the other things that I think I really struggled with is I think when it comes to confidence, I think I really relied so heavily on being a perfectionist and being overly prepared for everything, and what I leaned on quite a bit was just in every waking moment, being as prepared as possible, memorizing scripts, basically of what I want to say in meetings or how I want to respond to things being extremely research driven. So I would look into every single possible thing and prepare for a meeting or some big event. And when you have a young child, that's impossible. You cannot do that. You just have to learn how to think on the fly. And I think that I've really become a better leader by being able to do that, it's less scripted, it's less stressed about my time and being able to really maximize my time where needed. And yeah, I'm really proud of that.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  9:54  

Yeah, one of the things that stuck out to me was how much time you had devoted to work before your kids, and at that time you had one year old, and it was like, I don't have the time, like I can't prepare to the level that I believe I need to to feel confident, that I believe I need to be good at this. And I think that that's something that so many of us struggle with, is like, as workaholics, we're like, we work all the time, and then this baby comes into our lives, and we're like, we just, we just can't anymore if we want to spend any time with this, you know, being that we've brought into the world. So then we have to kind of rethink what we're doing. And I think that whenever we're expecting that the only way that we can feel confident, you know, going into a meeting or showing up, is to over prepare and script everything out and memorize everything that maybe worked for us in the past. And now it's like, I don't have enough time to do that, so I have to really rethink how I'm going to still be successful, how I'm still going to show up and do a great job and feel good about it without investing all of those hours. And so when you said it's helped you to be a better leader, I would love to hear more about that. 

Angela Pontius  11:14  

Yeah, I think I'm just more authentic. I think when I was overly prepared, overly scripted, it's almost like not as believable. And I think when you think about what you enjoy, when you talk to another colleague or someone in leadership, like that's not what you're looking for. And I think in my head, I thought that that was right, and by being more of myself, sharing more about, kind of my just personal life too, and just kind of being able to be talk on the fly and not worry about what people are thinking about me. I think it just makes you more genuine and more someone that people want to work with or look up to. So I think that that's really helped me a lot. 

Angela Pontius  12:00  

Something that you mentioned earlier about how things have worked for us really well in the past, of like being overly prepared and all of that. The other thing I've really learned here is that what has worked for us in the past isn't always going to work for us in the future. And I think that's something that's really helped me grow a lot is, rather than focusing on how everything has I've done in the past, all the tools that I've used in the past should be what I use in the future, that instead just to appreciate like that's what has helped me. But I don't need that anymore. I don't need these things, because now I have the experience and all of the things in my brain, rather than having to research it or just practice it and overly prepare.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  12:48  

Yeah, and I think that helps with confidence, right? Whenever you believe, hey, I've got the answers in there. I don't need to spend all this time over preparing. We talked about confidence a little bit, and I do want to jump into that a little bit more. Is there a correlation or relationship between believing that you can think on the fly and that the information is in your brain, versus believing that you have to over prepare, over study, over script and make sure that you have everything ready beforehand? Is there any relationship that you have found with confidence there for yourself? 

Angela Pontius  13:26  

Yeah, absolutely, I think, because, you know, in the past, especially in my last role that I left, it was a lot of consulting and supporting others and kind of thinking about new strategies, and if I had to overly prepare for all of those conversations. There's not enough time in the day or in my lifetime that that could be possible. And so by accepting or acknowledging that I do know enough, I might not know everything about everything, but I can pull from my experiences and my expertise and my knowledge and help them think through and that's really what they needed. I don't need to know everything about what they're doing. Actually, they probably should know more about that than I should, but it's being able to pull in my perspectives is what they were looking for because of my experience, and that definitely made for, I would say a more like better work life balance, as well as just feeling like I'm in this meeting with them, and I was able to be more confident in what I was sharing with them because I knew that I had the experience to back it up. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  14:38  

Yeah, and what I'm hearing you say about both this and in terms of being a better leader and working with your people is that there's more of an opportunity for connection whenever you are showing up like as yourself, because when we're scripting and preparing and trying to recall information like that's so much in our head. And whenever we show up and we are thinking on the fly and responding to what's going on in the room, then we have to think with more of ourselves beyond just our heads, but like you know, our hearts as well and our gut and kind of like, call on these different parts of us to help us guide and those are the kind of areas that are much more engaging and connect with other humans, right? We don't always have that head connection, right, where we're just, like, talking about scholarly information and, you know, like, that's not as much of like a feeling kind of connection that we're able to have. And it's almost like it almost like blocks us a little bit from it whenever we are only accessing that one part of us

Angela Pontius  15:46  

Totally agree. And I think it also allows you to be more creative. So it makes you do a better job if you are able to just be creative and flexible rather than worrying about like, oh, did I research that? Or did I prepare for this question?

Leanna Laskey McGrath  16:01  

Yeah, it makes you look like a human and what about times that you don't have the answer? What happens then? Like, what do you do differently now than you would have done in the past? 

Angela Pontius  16:14  

Yeah, it's so funny. Like, I think in the past, I would have been so worried about not having the answer or the right the right answer, and I think I would have probably froze, and I would have just not known even how to respond, because I would be embarrassed that I didn't know. And now it's so natural for me to say, actually, I don't know. Let's figure it out together, or let's, you know, think of something that's similar that could, you know, potentially help us with this. And I think it's just less scary to try new things or to figure things out, because I don't feel like I have to know the right answer to it. Maybe there isn't a right answer, or it just makes me definitely more creative and thoughtful in how I approach things.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  16:59  

Yeah, and I would also probably add that back then, I think there would have been a lot of blame and shame and guilt and talking down to yourself about like, oh my gosh, like, I can't believe I didn't know the answer to this, and just feeling really terrible about yourself and probably spending a lot of your time and energy dwelling on it after the fact, and I think that those kinds of things we don't account for. Whenever we think about like, why am I so tired? Why do I feel so depleted? But whenever we are like, dwelling on something that happened in the past and beating ourselves up over it again and again and again, of course, we're gonna feel terrible, and we're gonna feel depleted, and it's gonna just like, suck our energy out of us. So that also you're nodding your head a lot, so I'm curious what's coming up as I'm saying that.

Angela Pontius  17:50  

Yeah, it's so funny, because I recall almost like every session I had with you, especially in the beginning, I was like, at the end, I was like, wow, Leanna, I just feel so much lighter after talking to you about this, because it is crazy how much of that energy is sucked out of you when you're just so focused about the negatives or like that you didn't do something right, or you didn't say something right, and when you let that go, it just feels so much lighter. And I have to say, I probably still do it, but I think I do a lot less, and so that energy I can put towards my work or towards my family, and it definitely has been a weight lifting experience.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  18:30  

Yeah, well, one thing that I would love to hear more from you about and talk more about, because I think one of the things I was reminded of when I listened to your first session is that you went to college at age 15, which is amazing and magnificent. Trying to think of the right words, like just it's awe inspiring. And one of the things we had talked about a little bit, and one of the things I experienced in my career as well, was being younger than everybody else, and that, coupled with all the things we're talking about here, can bring a lot of imposter syndrome, wondering, do I really deserve to be here, these people who have been here longer than me, do they know better than I do? And kind of almost creating a default assumption in our head that everybody else knows better than us, because you know for a multitude of reasons, but one of them being that they're older than us. And so I'd love to hear your thoughts about that and how that has shown up for you, what your experience has been with that.

Angela Pontius  19:34  

Sure, yes, I actually really recall that conversation so well, because I was actually sharing with you that whenever people asked me questions, like clarifying questions of something I presented in a meeting, immediately my head went to, oh, my gosh, they're questioning what I know or like I must have said something wrong. And as we worked through it, I realized, Oh, they're just asking questions because they don't understand. And I think spent so much time worrying that everyone in the room knew so much more than me, and especially in my last role, where almost all of the team members had MDs, PhDs, and here I am with just my bachelor's degree, just my bachelor's degree. Yet I had almost 20 years of experience to bring in addition to that, but it made me definitely feel like I wasn't good enough to be there, or I didn't know enough, and I wasn't valued. And I think when I was coming to the meeting with that type of mentality, I wasn't showing up as the best version of myself. I was constantly questioning what I knew, what I thought, and when I was able to finally work through that and let go of that, I think I just showed up as a completely, definitely a more confident person, and someone who was able to probably present myself as a more confident person. So people probably felt more instilled with confidence in me, rather than if I'm questioning myself, of course, they might be like, Oh, does she actually know what she's saying? So the imposter syndrome is real. I definitely have felt that in the majority of my career, and still that comes up a lot too, but I think I feel a lot better about that now than I did before. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  21:19  

Yeah, I think that's such a great point that it's kind of like we have to lead others in their opinions of us, right. Like, if we show up and we're like, I'm probably not good enough. Like, you know, questioning and stuff, it's like we're giving them the energy to think that about us, right, like, they're probably then, like, is she qualified? Right? Or like, or we're like, waiting for them to tell us right, to give us the validation. And I think that when we go in and believe, like, yeah, I deserve to be here. And, you know, we show up with that confidence and that energy, that kind of helps to solidify for them, like, like to not even call it into question. So I guess what I probably everyone is wondering is, like, how did you do it, Angela? How did you, not that there's no imposter syndrome now, but like, how did you decrease it so much? 

Angela Pontius  22:14  

I would say one thing, there's probably many things. The first thing that comes to my mind is, I started journaling after we met. You know, I hadn't like journaled since I was younger, in my diary, and so that was something that you I think you recommended that I do, and kind of just jotting down in the every morning, like what comes to mind, or and things that are on my mind, how I want to show up that day. And I think that's really helped me just kind of prepare myself for the day and how I want to show up in any circumstance, kind of just giving myself time to slow down and reflect. I think that's been really helpful. 

Angela Pontius  22:55  

Other things that have really helped me as an exercise that you shared with me is essentially like when there's a circumstance thinking about what thoughts come to your mind, the feelings, and what kind of actions do you want to take and what kind of results do you want to see before I just believed every thought that came to my mind, and like had a certain reaction to what that thought was and that was it. And I think by taking the time, maybe the overall theme is taking some time to think about things, but really kind of allowing myself to be curious about, why is this making me feel this way, and how do I shift it to make me feel the way that I want it too. And the results I want to see from that, I think, has been incredibly helpful. And an example is I remember sharing with you in one of our sessions that I got an email from, you know, one of the leadership team members, and it was like questioning something, and it immediately was like, Oh no, I did something wrong. And that was the immediate thought that came to my mind. But then when I actually worked through it with that exercise, I realized, Oh, they're just, like, interested in learning more, and they just didn't understand the process, because that's not their area of expertise. That's my area of expertise. So they just wanted to learn and understand more. They weren't actually, like, sitting there, like, why did you do it this way? Or why would you answer it this way? That has been something that's been really helpful for me. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  24:27  

Yeah, well, and I think that probably then you take different action from that place, right? Because coming from, like, a defensive like, I've got to defend how I'm thinking about this, because they're questioning me, versus, oh, they're really interested in my work and learning more, and they see me as the expert, and so I'm going to inform them, I'm going to educate them, that probably then how you respond, like how you craft your response, is going to definitely make that a bit different, right?

Angela Pontius  24:59  

Yeah. Exactly, I think, whenever you're coming at anything in a defensive mode, and I get it like it's a natural thing and a human thing to do, you are going to probably take things more personally. And once you give yourself some time to think about it, it definitely helps you kind of have a different perspective.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  25:18  

Yeah, well, one of the things you said that I want to hear more about is the idea of taking the time. And you had talked earlier a little bit about kind of work life balance, and I think that so often, whenever we get into a balance that we are uncomfortable with. And you know, work life balance is different for everybody in terms of how much they put where and when and everything like that, but what's important is, you know, do we feel good about it? Are we happy with what our balance is? And I think so often people will say, Well, I don't have time. I don't have time to journal. I don't have time to take care of myself or to to do these things, because, you know, there's just so many other things. So how do you prioritize that time? Like, how do you justify that? You know, tell me more about that.

Angela Pontius  26:06  

Generally, I justify it because it makes me just show up in a much more positive way, and it helps me kind of organize my day, or whatever I'm planning for. I love, I think you used one time a metaphor, or, like an analogy of it's like taking the time, the few seconds to plug it into a GPS and completely agree with that. To be honest with you, it doesn't have to take an hour of your time. It can literally, like the journaling, for me, can take just a few minutes in the day of just jotting a couple things down, and that's all it takes. Or some days I have to say it doesn't happen, like it is what it is. You know, I have a one year old and a three year old who get up at the crack of dawn. So sometimes it just it doesn't. And I think it's okay to not feel guilty about that. I think especially for me, being such a perfectionist, I used to say, like, it's all or nothing. If I don't do it every single day, forget it. I'm just going to give up on it. And I think approaching it with the mentality that some progress or some consistency is good enough, that's definitely helped me be a lot more gentle with myself and on myself, and not put myself at this level of expectation that I have to do everything perfectly. I'm human. I am going to run out of time or not be able to do something every day, and that's okay.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  27:29  

Yeah, yeah. I love that. I think that's so true. We get into the all or nothing thinking, and think, if I don't do it every day, then I'm not doing it. And I think what you're saying is doing it a few days, or consistently inconsistent, right? Like we're doing it, and good enough. And I love that you use that phrase, because I think you know, at the beginning of our journey with this, good enough is like, icky. Like, that sounds terrible, but then it's like, well, actually it works out much better, because I'm still making progress. If I just invest a little bit here and there, like, when I can then that is going to add up

Angela Pontius  28:08  

exactly. And even if, like, just using that as an example, like the journaling, even if you don't do it every morning, you're able to, kind of, maybe even just have the mindset of, like, you know kind of what you would have written down anyway. So you it just kind of changes your your mindset and your perspective each day, I think. And it's totally worth the few minutes, if you can take it and again, if you don't, it's okay too.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  28:34  

Yeah, yeah, I love that too. It's like, if I'm in the practice of it, that I'm still in the practice of it, even if I don't actually write it down, I'm still like, train my mind that this is how I want to start the day. This is how I want to think about the day. What about in general, balance? Like, what have you learned about balance? What have you seen evolve with that as you think about, you know, your priorities and kind of how you balance everything?

Angela Pontius  29:01  

Well, it's still a work in progress. Balance is so hard, but I think one of the things that I neglected a lot is spending some time for myself, especially having two really young ones. All of my time went to either them or work, and I never made enough time for myself. And I think even if it's just like a few minutes or picking one thing like for me, in the last year, I have been really sad that I haven't been able to prioritize working out for just a few, 20, 30, minutes a day and doing something that I really enjoy that's going to help the rest of my day. And finally, now that I've been able to do it, it just makes me be happier throughout the day, or just be a better version of myself each day. And I think I realized, like, I need to, it's so cheesy, like, fill my cup at least a little bit in order to give to others, because without that, I think just you're always depleted. You're not giving anything back to yourself. So I don't know if like balance is the right word, but definitely like being able to give yourself back, just even something, in order to feel like you're getting a little bit of energy that you need to be able to give  to everyone else.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  30:25  

Yeah. Also, one thing on balance that I remember from our second session is you said the idea of where your focus is, or like, what's going on in your mind. So, like on the weekends, you know, I might be like, physically with my family, but my mind is, like, totally overtaken with work, and I'm just like, thinking about all the things I need to do and trying to solve all the problems. And so it's like, I'm there with my family, but I'm not really there, and that is really exhausting to try and be in two places at the same time, and so I'm curious what your thoughts are on that, or what you've learned about that or found about that, of kind of the just like where your mind is, you know, when you're in different places.

Angela Pontius  31:11  

Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up. I almost forgot about it, and I think maybe just to share a little bit more context, I spent so much time worrying about work when I wasn't actually at my desk and working, or in meetings working, and it was literally like overtaking my entire brain. Like when I was with my family on the weekends, I would be worrying about something that happened at work, or I would see an email come through from a colleague, and like, immediately, like, my focus completely went to work, and I forgot about when I was basically physically with my family. And that was not only extremely draining, but also I did not like the person I was with my family when I was doing that. And I think by being able to kind of set boundaries and remind myself that these things can wait, it definitely has helped my like relationship with my family, or how I feel about my relationship with my family. I feel less guilty about being there but not being present, and just more efficient with my time, also during the week, when I'm working, actually working, and it also just feels like a weight's been lifted. I just remember that conversation with you and feeling like sharing with you how I had spent less time on the weekend stressing about work and just being present and in the moment with my family, and it was just like I was more relaxed entering the work week. And I think if I recall or just like, what I've learned over time is like, it just makes me a better person at my job during the week, when I have that time to just kind of take a break from work, and everything just moved fine afterwards, too, like after I made that change or that shift. And I think before I thought going back to that preparation mentality, or that feeling of needing to be overly prepared for everything, nothing fell apart. It was just fine. I did probably the same level of work. Or even better, after kind of changing my mindset, and yeah, I just made everything kind of more balanced. I think when it comes to family time and my work time.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  31:11  

Yeah, I remember one of the things that we talked about, and I think that probably many executive moms can relate to this, is there's kind of this feeling of they're paying me a lot of money, and so I feel like I owe them so much. Like, I should be giving them so much. And so I think sometimes we include our mental capacity. I should be thinking about work all the time. That makes it a more even exchange. And it's so interesting because it's like, like, if I'm thinking about it, I'm not producing anything for them, you know, really, but, like, I think it's interesting because we get to this place in our careers, and, you know, maybe we've negotiated and pushed hard for, you know, a really great salary, and then we're like, oh, I'm here, and now I need to make sure that it's worth it for them to pay me this much money. I'm curious what comes up as I'm talking about that

Angela Pontius  34:19  

I think I've spent the majority of my career or almost all of it feeling like I'm indebted to my employer, that I owe them my blood, sweat and tears, and that I should be so grateful for where I am. And I think I've started to learn, and I'm still working on this, but I've started to realize, like I got to where I am because of how hard I worked and for what I know and what I've achieved, and I don't owe them anything, actually, and I don't think that they ever would think that either like, the misconception of owing your employer all that you can give them has been something that's weighed a lot on me over my career, and I didn't even realize it and back then, I mean, that was a tool that I was able to use. I I worked, you know, nights, weekends and or I spent time thinking about work all the time because I felt like I owed them a good job, or that I would produce high quality things because of all of that energy. And I think what I'm learning, continue to grow in, is knowing my worth and knowing that I've been hired to do a job because of the things I bring to the table, not because of the X number of hours that I'm giving back. Or it's not this like quantity thing, it's a quality thing.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  35:47  

Yeah, not for the number of hours you're going to spend thinking about it. I think it's kind of like whenever we see that we can still do a really good job, and sometimes even better, whenever we do take time to step away, unplug, recharge, spend time with our families, spend time exercising, journaling, doing things that really fill our cups, as you say, right? That we are still able to show up as good or better at work. We're still able to deliver so like a wonderful product for them that they get their money's worth, so to speak, right in their investment in us. And it's like we have this false belief that mental, you know, always, always thinking about work is the thing that's going to repay that debt or that it's going to make it worth it, but that doesn't actually add any value. We can still produce the results that we need to produce without that

Angela Pontius  36:44  

Exactly, yeah, I don't think more is always better. I mean, there's it's gonna ebb and flow, right? Like certain times you are kind of have to be put in more hours and sometimes maybe less, but it's not necessary at all times, because you just end up burning yourself out, and it's not what your employer wants, right? They want to make sure that their employee is able to stay in their role for a long time, hopefully. I mean, they're not trying to, like, burn you out and have you leave right away. So absolutely, I think that balance is critical. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  37:18  

Yeah. So what's next for you, Angela? I know you're at this kind of, like, transition point, and so I'm curious, like, as you think about how you want to approach and you're going to be starting a new role in a few weeks, and you were really intentional about your process of, you know, being clear about your priorities, and, you know, wanting to ensure that you continue this balance that you've created for yourself, and continue to carry some of the things you've learned from your last experience into here. Just would love to hear about, you know, where you're headed next, or how you're thinking about things. 

Angela Pontius  37:58  

Yeah, so in my next role that I'll be starting in a couple weeks, I have definitely come at it with a different mindset, and maybe it's like a good way to wrap up all the things that we've talked about. I think number one is knowing my worth and, like, what value I bring to the table. I think before I, like we said, like, I felt like I owed my employer something, that I have to basically, that I've, like, faked it and then made it somehow. And no, I at this point, like, I've not faked it. I've put in the time and all the hard work and everything else to get to where I am. I do know what I know, and I have a lot of great experience, and I'm now walking into this role feeling much more confident than I have in the past, and feeling like I'm not this, like person who is just coming in to put in unlimited hours of just work. I think I'm coming in with strategy plans and things that basically are a summary of all the things I've experienced in my career, and I recognize and acknowledge that that's what my employer wants, and feeling like it's okay that I won't be spending every waking moment thinking about my job, and I think by being able to have this better balance between my time at home and my time at work, I'm going to only show up as a better leader at work, a better colleague. I'll be more rested and refreshed. And also, I'm really looking forward to just making sure that I keep my boundaries. I think oftentimes I just get so excited about being in a role, and I just want to throw everything at it, and yes, I'm going to still give that energy and effort, but not to the point of taking away from my family or my time with my kids and my husband. I think what I want to do is just make sure that I give enough for both, and make time for both, as well as myself, because when I do that, I'm only going to be better in what I do in the workplace.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  38:04  

I love that. I'm so happy for you. And what would you say to a woman who maybe is where you were two years ago, you know, who's really, kind of really feeling that struggle, really feeling like, Man, I've worked so hard to get to where I am, and now here I am. I have a baby, and I just don't know how to reconcile my identity. I don't know how to reconcile hours and time that I put in. I don't feel like I'm giving enough. I don't feel like I'm giving enough at work. I don't feel like I'm giving enough at home, and I'm not perfect at either. And so what would you say to her?

Angela Pontius  40:55  

Oh gosh, I would say definitely give yourself grace. And I know we say it a lot, I see it a lot is people are always like, oh, you should give yourself grace, like, be kind to yourself. And I think it's hard to practice that. I think one of the things I realized, especially working with you, is I would never treat my best friend or even someone I barely know as hard as I treat myself, and you know, I think you should really be kind to yourself and realize, you know you're human. It's okay to feel like you can't be perfect in everything, no one's going to be perfect in everything, and that you're doing a great job and other people are struggling as much as you are, and I think that's the biggest thing for me, is I just felt so isolated and alone in feeling that way. And it's just for me, been so eye opening that so many other women struggle with this. And the other thing that I would say to a first time mom, executive mom, who might be struggling, is also be okay with knowing that you've gotten to where you are because of all the hard work you've put in, like enjoy that. And I think that's one thing that I've learned is I was constantly trying to get to the next step and working myself up the ladder, and that's the only mode that I knew how to function. And we often forget that like we're here because we worked so hard. Let's, like, take a moment to pause and enjoy it and just do a great job in where we're at. We don't need to worry about the next thing, or constantly feel like we're still in that, like going up the ladder mode. So, you know, that's just something I've learned that I that I want to share with others. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  42:48  

Yeah, I love that. Well, thank you so much, Angela, thank you for coming on the podcast and sharing your story. I'm so grateful to you for being willing to, you know, share it so openly, and thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey. It's been so fun working with you over the last two years and getting to witness all of the amazing things that you are creating for yourself and for your family, and just how much of a positive impact that's having on you and and on your family too, right? And your kids are getting to see you killing it at work and showing up at home and just being this amazing executive mom, and I'm just so happy that you found me through that Facebook group. So grateful to you.

Angela Pontius  43:35  

I'm really grateful for you too. And I think the other one thing that I would love to share with others is like the executive coaching, especially with you, has been life changing for me. I think I probably would feel still very lost without the work that we've done together. So I really appreciate all the coaching and guidance that you've provided me. 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  43:56  

Thank you. Well, thank you so much, Angela, for sharing your story with us. I know everyone is going to listen and relate, and thank you everyone for tuning in today, and we will see you all next week.

Leanna Laskey McGrath  44:14  

If you're loving what you're learning on this podcast, I'd love to invite you to check out The Executive Mom Reset. It's my six month coaching program for ambitious, success driven, career focused women who are ready to stop surviving and start thriving. Together, we'll tackle the stress, guilt and overwhelm that come with being a high achieving executive mom. You'll learn how to set boundaries, prioritize what truly matters, and build the confidence to show up powerfully at work, at home, and for yourself. Head on over to coachleanna.com right now to schedule a free discovery call. We'll spend an hour talking about where you are now, what you want to create, and how I can help you get there, because every woman deserves to live the life of her dreams. Let's create yours together.