Grounded in Resilience: Growing Through Adversity and Change in Relationships, Career, and Motherhood - with Kiran Reddy (part 2)

Leanna Laskey McGrath  0:04  

Welcome to The Executive Coach for Moms Podcast where we support women who are attempting to find balance and joy while simultaneously leading people at work and at home. I'm your host, Leanna Laskey McGrath, former tech exec turned full time mom, recovering perfectionist and workaholic and certified executive coach. 

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  0:27  

Hi everyone. Welcome back to the show. Thank you so much for joining me today. I am here with Kiran Reddy for part two of our conversation. If you did not hear our first conversation, definitely go back to last week's episode. Give it a listen so you can get to know Kiran a little bit better and hear some awesome stories from her. And let me tell you a little bit about Kiran, in case you are just joining us. Kiran Reddy is an entrepreneur, general counsel and the founder of Reddy Consulting, where she helps tech startups and SaaS companies navigate legal strategy with clarity and confidence. With over a decade of in house counsel experience, Kiran specializes in privacy, commercial contracts, and scaling smart legal frameworks that support growth. Beyond the boardroom. Kiran is a passionate advocate for prison reform and community empowerment, actively involved in nonprofit leadership and justice driven initiatives. She brings a rare mix of legal precision, business savvy and purpose driven work to everything she does. Welcome back, Kiran.

 

Kiran Reddy  1:30  

Thanks for having me. 

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  1:32  

Yeah. Thanks so much for being here for part two. And I am so excited to jump into this conversation, because I know when we were catching up, you kind of shared that the last four years have been pretty transformational for you, lots of different changes, and so I thought it would be amazing to talk about that today. And I'm so grateful to you for wanting to share with all of us. I think for anyone who is going through any of these changes and transitions in their lives, or who might in the future, I think this will be so helpful.

 

Kiran Reddy  2:06  

Oh god. Well, thank you for allowing me to use your platform for this. I'm really excited.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  2:11  

Yeah. So tell me, do you want to start with the first big transition, transition to motherhood? 

 

Kiran Reddy  2:16  

Yeah.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  2:17  

Almost four years ago to the day. 

 

Kiran Reddy  2:18  

I mean, we all know motherhood is or for your audience, as a lot of us are moms, and as you are one too, it's a big transition. No matter how many you know forewarnings you get, it's just still not the same. Your life just changes, right? Once that human being comes into your hands. And there is no playbook. So yeah, my transition started four years ago when I had my baby, who is now four. His name's Leo, and then I would just say probably turning 40 around that time I was late, so I had him at 39 and then, you know the changes of 40. You know what is going on with your body, your mental state, all that fun stuff.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  3:04  

So when you say it changed a lot for you, what did it change? Like, what felt really different? Or, how would you describe like, Kiran before Leo versus Kiran after? Like, what was different for you? Because I know it changes. You know, motherhood changes all of us, but I think in different ways. So I'm just curious what it was like for you.

 

Kiran Reddy  3:24  

For sure, I would say before Leo, it was just Kiran, so I could just do anything at the drop of the hat. And my obligations were, you know, my fur babies, but they were independent enough where they could stay at home for a little bit. And, you know, I was volunteering more, you know, being more social, networking to help my career. I would say Kiran and Leo, that changed, because it wasn't just about me, but it taught me to put myself first so I could support my son. And that was definitely a shift that I needed to think about. I think whenever I would have a bad day or just saying, like, I can't do this, what am I doing? A couple of my friends would send me that picture of, you know, the person putting the oxygen on themselves first before they put it on their child. And I think sometimes I would just have to see that as a reminder for sure.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  4:22  

Yeah, well, I think that's so interesting, because there's maybe an assumption that, like, before kids, and you said, like it was all Kiran, you know, you could do whatever you wanted, that you're gonna always put yourself first when you didn't have kids. But it sounds like for you that wasn't the case, like, is that right? Or and then, whenever he came into your world, that is what taught you to start putting yourself first.

 

Kiran Reddy  4:51  

Yeah, you know, I noticed this, what I was saying out loud. I was like, wait, I'm actually saying the same thing.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  4:56  

I agree. I think it almost gave me permission. But, yeah, tell me for you. 

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  5:01  

Like, I think before, I would put myself first in being stretched thin and doing things, I think more for others benefit, rather than mine, of working late, just so I could prove to X, Y and Z, you know, I'm capable of doing this as a female, or, you know, taking on more for, you know, community service, because I want to be known as reliable. And I think for when I had my baby, it was putting myself first as, what do I need to survive? What do I need to keep going, in light of for me, mentally and physically, but also to have the energy to have for my son, if that makes sense?

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  5:53  

100% Yeah, it's like, up until that point, we think we're probably putting ourselves first because we have the I guess we're kind of air quotes selfish, you know, because we're not, like, caring for another human per se. But really, we're not. We're really kind of putting everyone else's opinions first and other people's needs first. And I think whenever a little one comes along, it's like, yeah, your opinions of me and what you think of me, and you know, whether or not I prove myself are just not as important as actually taking care of myself are so that I can take care of this human

 

Kiran Reddy  6:33  

Yes, that's exactly how it was for me. Yeah,

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  6:37  

I love that. I think that that's one of the gifts of having kids. I do think it's different for everybody, though, how long that takes, like, the realization of it, and also the allowance of it, I would say, you know, of actually, like, oh, I have to, like, totally shift how I've been doing things and how I perceive my own value in the world. And you know how I bring value to others and to work, and it's totally different. And it takes a really big it's a really big shift.

 

Kiran Reddy  7:10  

Absolutely for sure. And I think for me, it was still going on, you know, the first year, as you know, you're sleep deprived, your whole life has changed, even when it comes to the focus and the stamina at work. But I think after that, it was still figuring out, what does it truly mean to put myself first, and I think from there, you know, after I had Leo, I want to say a little after a year is when we went through the earth separation process. And so that was another challenge on top of okay, I think as a mom and as a parent, you still try to maintain your calendar like you used to, and your obligations like you have before, maybe a little differently, but then looking at, how am I supposed to do my piece myself without having my partner day to day, and what does that alignment look and that was a bigger challenge for me, I think,

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  8:22  

Yeah, yeah. So tell me more about that process that sounds like the uncoupling process is another huge transition. You know, especially whenever you've got a little one in the mix and you're trying to still adjusting to that, a little bit of like, how do I survive while taking care of another human So, yeah, tell me more about that process. 

 

Kiran Reddy  8:43  

Yeah, and that was a big deal, I think just because we were together about 18 years, and so is a lot of my 20s, all of my 30s, and just who is here and ready at the end of the day, and what does that mean to myself, to my son, to everybody that I'm in contact, in society. So I think just further, taking a step back and really for me, laying out, okay, what are my obligations this week? Okay, work. What do I need to make myself feel fulfilled, like taking a walk. And you know, what does Leo need from me? And, you know, bonding. And then what does he need from me? You know, transportation or whatnot. So I try to keep it in four buckets, of my personal needs, my personal obligations, Leo's personal needs for me, and then Leo's obligations for me. And I think that was a survival mode I was in for about like that first year of decoupling, figuring out as he's getting older, in a new phase of, you know, now a one to two year old, and then me starting to get more confident as a parent, but just figuring out, what do I need to survive, just to make it through the day, through the week, and then however long that phase needed.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  10:13  

Yeah, well, I think that's a really helpful strategy, the four buckets. And so it sounds like, like you use that as how you prioritize, like, these are the things I need to prioritize, and then everything else kind of falls below that. Is that right?

 

Kiran Reddy  10:30  

Yes, it's almost like going back to year one of motherhood, of when we were talking about a, you know, your survival bucket or your box that you need in order to just keep ahead and staying afloat and everything else drops. That's fine. We'll see when we can pick those pieces up later. 

 

Kiran Reddy  10:48  

Yeah, I think the who am I piece is so, that's so interesting, because you had to kind of go through that twice, because I think we all go through that when we enter motherhood, especially when we enter motherhood in our late 30s or early 40s, you know, and we're kind of like established as a human right, and on this earth, and we have, you know, a pretty solid like this is who I believe myself to be. And then we become a mom, and we're like, oh, wait a second, you know, this is uncovering some things I you know, that I didn't realize were here, or shifting some things for me. And then you're saying, like, after an 18 year relationship, which I'm sure was a really big part of who you were, who you believed yourself to be, and then suddenly, you know, that is also changing, you know, and dissolving. And so it's like, what does that mean, or evolving to a co parenting relationship. It's like, wow, you've had to kind of really question that, like, who am I? So, what have you come up with? Like, how's that been? 

 

Kiran Reddy  11:53  

Well, I've come up with this was my midlife crisis.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  11:58  

Yeah, and it all happened at the same exact time.

 

Kiran Reddy  12:01  

Yes.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  12:02  

Yeah.

 

Kiran Reddy  12:03  

But I will say when I was able to slow down, I was able to reflect more. And I was never a person before Leo, even before marriage, during marriage, I was never one who could just sit still and just be. And I think having that time to reflect was so daunting and scary to me and as a mom, and you know, at that time, learning to adjust in being alone in solitude was really key for me, of just being able to ground myself and just being okay with not having plans or not searching for something to do when I didn't have my son those days, or just, you know, I still remember the first night I stayed at my own place, and I was just thinking, like I only have myself and like, two walls that separate me and the street, and I just have not had that mentality in so long of, it's just me, and it really woke me up. Of, okay, I need to, you know, live for today and just figure out what makes me happy and feel complete in this new phase of life, and I'm still going through it. And I would say what has really been helpful is having a good therapist, and I've had her through all this time, I think, for about three or four years, and so it's like good reminders of how far you've come because you you don't see that all the time. And I think in anything we do, it's the day to day grind, surviving just life and everything that throws at you. But just now, I'm able to be alone and use that time to reflect on growth and things I should, you know, would love to do again has been really helpful in figuring out who I am today and where I want to go. 

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  14:06  

Yeah, well, I think so many of us can relate to the just go, go, go, just power through and not really feeling like there's time to ever sit still and reflect. And I'm curious when you said that felt like really daunting and scary to you. Why would it feel so daunting and scary? 

 

Kiran Reddy  14:26  

I am one who has really bad ADHD anxiety and depression, so I think once my mind goes to a place of it's not busy, there's an endless list of you could do better. Why didn't you do this? Or it's the negative aspects that get me and just getting that out of my head. But as I've been able to sit still more or just being comfortable alone, I actually enjoy those times and reflecting or just being still and having random thoughts come to me, it's definitely been a change of my mental state, for sure, that I've been working on, but that's something I've been working on to help. 

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  15:16  

Yeah, and what allowed you to finally sit still, it sounds like, essentially, what you're afraid of is like yourself beating yourself up, right? Like in those quiet moments. And so it was like, No, I don't want to even give my brain a second to start down that path, because, you know, like, that's just, I'm gonna feel terrible at the end of it. So, yeah, like, how did you start to allow yourself to have those moments?

 

Kiran Reddy  15:41  

Yeah, for me, you know, at one point, everything just imploded, and I realized I could not keep up with schedules of seeing people or networking and doing this alone. And so when I took a step back, I've been working through exercises of myself and figuring out what I want in life. That's been more rewarding for me to being alone. And, you know, just this past year, I've gone on hikes alone, you know, being able to go to the movies alone. I know a lot of people like doing this before, but I was more of like a social person, and I used to get my energy from other people, and I think now I just get it by being with myself and seeing that as a reward of just being. And I think, you know, the other thing that I rediscovered, that I loved, is traveling by myself, and that really gives me the opportunity to, you know, look back on things. Have you know, you're in a new environment. How are you liking this? You know, what would you do different that type of thing. But I would say definitely the therapy has helped in figuring out, what do I want? What are the expectations that I'm used to having from others and even in society, and just viewing that as that's not what I want? I think for me, it was just figuring those two differences out.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  17:14  

Yeah, I always say I wish everyone in the world could have a good coach and a good therapist, because I think the world would be such a better place if we dealt with our stuff and really planned for, you know, intentionally about what we wanted, that would just make the world so much better. So I am a huge proponent of having a good therapist. And it sounds to me like what this journey has been for you is like coming back to yourself and really, you know, instead of being like you were saying, like, afraid of yourself, almost like, afraid of quiet time that you would spend with yourself, now you get to enjoy that time and like, what an amazing evolution. Like, what an amazing thing to have. I mean, I wish that for everybody, because we're like, the only person that we're with from the minute we enter this earth until the minute we leave this earth is ourselves, like everybody else just comes and goes at some point in our lives, you know, maybe really long term, but still not the whole time. And so having that relationship with ourselves is so crucially important, and so that's the gift of all of this turmoil that you've experienced over the past several years.

 

Kiran Reddy  18:25  

You're right. I have 100% agree. And I think you know from hearing back like my dad, especially my mom, would say, you know, why are you so busy you keep giving yourself away to others, or you're so busy and you're not putting yourself first. And those are still in the back of my head, and I just did not get it until I became a mom, and then when I went through this separation, and I will say, it was really helpful for me to find other women who have been in similar circumstances, unfortunately. I think, you know, as a mom, we gravitate towards women who have been mothers, or who are mothers, or who have been through the process and remember. And I did the same thing with the separation of just having like, yes, your feelings are valid. This is a grief process. There's, you know, ups and downs, and you know now you need to take time for yourself. And I think it was hearing from women who have been through this of that was their key item to survival is giving yourself grace and just figuring out what you want this journey to look like.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  19:37  

Yeah, yeah, I love that. And on top of all this, we haven't even mentioned there were two layoffs in here as well. So there's a transition into motherhood, turning 40, separation, followed by divorce and two layoffs. Tell me more about that. 

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  19:57  

You know, just when you think things can't get harder, they do. And when I went through my first layoff, I was working at Hallmark, and I took that job from, you know, a smaller SaaS company, because I was just thinking, you know, maybe it'll be better to have a brand name in my career belt that will help me go further and at least I'll be here for, you know, at least five years. Because, as you know, with the tech world, it can vary, especially private companies. And I was there for 18 months, and they created a role for me as their first data privacy officer. And I was excited about this, but unfortunately, you know, I was last in, first out, and they had some layoffs, and that was the first time I've ever been laid off from a company, and it was also the beginning of my separation. So even though I knew it was out of my control, and as best as the organization was in explaining this to me, it was still hard not to take it personal and just to remind yourself as this isn't based off of, you know, your performance, this is based off of metrics and numbers. And I will say that I'm grateful that I had my consulting company at the time because I was able to pick up clients, and my old CFO, at the time, went to a company, and she said, Hey, we're actually looking for somebody, you know, part time. Would you be interested? Sure, why not? And then that company, Center Base, was able to work with me, and when my severance ended, I was able to be picked up by Center Base full time, so it was a way for me to network while looking for work, and it fell in my lap.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  21:49  

Yeah, well, it sounds like again, just like we talked about in the first episode with building your consulting and fractional work, that it is very much about the network and how important that is.

 

Kiran Reddy  22:04  

Yes, for sure, and I will say, during that time of, you know, being laid off, it was another thing that was out of my control. And I think as a mom, when we're going through motherhood, there's a lot of hurdles like that with, you know, the first year of motherhood, and still like what I'm learning, as well as separation did mentally help me for this challenge and this hurdle of a layoff of, okay, how am I going to find a job? I don't know, but, you know, we're just going to figure it out, and we'll be in survival mode, and that's how I was for the first few months.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  22:43  

Yeah. And then there was a second layoff later.

 

Kiran Reddy  22:47  

Yes. So I'm not kidding you. A year later, Center Base, that job I found, unfortunately, they had to do some layoffs as well. So that one took me longer to find a full time employment. And that is when I was thinking, you know, should I do the consulting full time? Is there a way I can build that up? And that's when I said, okay, the market's rough. Let's see what I can do. And I was getting more clients again, word of mouth. But unfortunately, there was just nothing out there. And the day I launched my website for my consulting company, I actually got hired on full time. And I know a lot of people are thinking, you know, why are you doing both? And right now, I don't have enough to sustain just as my own consulting company, but also benefits, you know, as a single parent, just thinking of, okay, I need this for myself and Leo, and, you know, I'll just have this as a full time position. Well, I hope to expand my consulting work.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  23:55  

Yeah, and in all this transition and uncertainty and, like you said, like, just so much out of your control. How did you manage? How did you continue trekking forward and parenting and working and applying to jobs and, you know, all the things you have to do as an adult human?

 

Kiran Reddy  24:14  

Yeah, you know, when I would have a setback, like a layoff or just something major, I would go back to four quadrants of what do I need to feel fulfilled? What do I need as an obligation for the day? What does Leo need to be fulfilled? What does Leo need as an obligation from me? And sometimes I just had to go back to those four survival tools I would use as a day to day until I was able to feel more grounded and start seeing more of the future. So you know, for me today, I don't have five year 10 year goals like I used to, even as in the early stages of motherhood or, you know, pre Leo, but I am fine with that. This is the first time in my life where I am okay doing day to day, and I know eventually I'll be able to get to a point where I can start thinking ahead and having goals like I used to. But I think for me right now, I'm able to keep my head on my shoulders, because I'm not adding more, not necessarily burden, but something to compare myself to, of my future self, if that makes sense.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  25:33  

Yeah, I think we talk about a lot on this podcast, is the idea of tis not the season, which I heard from a friend. And the idea is really like, like, tis not that this is the season to maybe, like, have the most beautiful landscaped garden and yard in the neighborhood, right? Whenever we have young kids, tis not the season to get another Master's degree. Or maybe it is. But, you know, it's kind of like, we can decide, like, what is going to be part of this season, and some things we can de prioritize. And it doesn't mean that we are taking them off our plate and saying, like, never again. It's just like, not right now. We're at capacity, and we're going to look at that in another season.

 

Kiran Reddy  26:22  

Yes. And I am going to keep that motto, 'tis not the season. I love it.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  26:28  

Yeah. And so my last question for you is just around co parenting, because I think that anyone who's doing the co parenting, you know, would probably say it's, it's a journey, and there's lots of, you know, learning that you do along the way. And so it sounds like you're maybe, like, two or three ish years into figuring out how to successfully co parent with your ex. And so I'm just curious, like, what does that look like, and what have you learned? And if there's anything like, Absolutely do not do this, or here's something that is working really well.

 

Kiran Reddy  27:01  

Yeah, and we're still learning on this, and I think because we did IVF, we always said it was our choice to bring this little guy in. And so no matter what that family unit looks like, we have to give it our all, and we get along better than we did before. And time is key. It does get easier as it goes by, and I hope it does for most people, but because we have been together for so long, you know, we still go to each other's family functions, we still spend time together. You know, when we can as the three of us, and you know, our our switch offs, we have it on a Saturday because it works for us. And it's, you know, I'll take Leo to karate, and Joey will be at a restaurant that we always go to, and we meet there, have a meal together, and then we do the handoff there. So I think it works a lot in neutral territories of doing like hand off or going to events together, where it's more about being in the moment, in the present for us. But you know, there are things I've had to learn is I can't think about the future of, Will this change when a third party comes in? Or what will this look like? And I think I'm still learning to take a step back and just saying, like, again, I can't control that scenario when that happens. But if what I can't control is, you know, this moment right now, and focusing on my relationship with his father and Leo.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  28:38  

And kind of like making the best of what is right now and as your main focus.

 

Kiran Reddy  28:44  

Yes, and hoping that it has a strong foundation for us to continue that for whatever the future looks like.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  28:52  

Yeah, I love that perspective, and I think, you know, maybe another gift of the tumultuous four years that you've experienced, but we could all be focusing a little bit more on the here and now, because, you know, as high achievers, we are often very, very future focused, and what is next, and what's that next milestone? And, you know, looking forward, instead of really being able to enjoy the here and now, which is all that's guaranteed, right? And so is there anything else that I haven't asked you that you'd want to share as we kind of wrap up?

 

Kiran Reddy  29:29  

I again, just want to thank you for being able to share my story, because what helped me was knowing that there's other women who are going through this and who have been through this, and it's it's validating, for sure. And I just want to say thank you for letting me talk and share my story.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  29:50  

Yeah, well, thank you for being so open and willing to share your story. Really appreciate it. And would you be open if women are going through this to be able to reach out to you?

 

Kiran Reddy  30:02  

Absolutely, I would love to be in contact with anybody, and I feel like that's, in ways, my purpose now is, you know, giving back as those who did for me.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  30:13  

Yeah, yeah. Well, wonderful. We'll be sure to link your information in the show notes that you've shared. So anyone who is experiencing separation, divorce, co parenting, uncoupling, all of these things, feel free to reach out to Kiran. I only asked you because I knew you would say yes. I know how amazingly kind and generous you are, and so I really appreciate you, Kiran. I appreciate you being so generous with sharing your story and with your time. And thank you so much for being here, and thank you everyone for listening to this amazing conversation with Kiran today. And I hope you all have a great week. Thank you, Kiran.

 

Leanna Laskey McGrath  30:55  

If you're loving what you're learning on this podcast, I'd love to invite you to check out The Executive Mom Reset. It's my six month coaching program for ambitious, success driven, career focused women who are ready to stop surviving and start thriving. Together, we'll tackle the stress, guilt and overwhelm that come with being a high achieving executive mom. You'll learn how to set boundaries, prioritize what truly matters, and build the confidence to show up powerfully at work, at home, and for yourself. Head on over to coachleanna.com right now to schedule a free discovery call. We'll spend an hour talking about where you are now, what you want to create, and how I can help you get there, because every woman deserves to live the life of her dreams. Let's create yours together.